Men-Women jokes

A man walks up to a stranger in the street.
"Do you like рussy cats?" said the stranger.
"Yeah, I do," said the man. "But how did you know my name was 'Katz?''

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Men vs Women Jokes

What do mice and men have in common?
They both run around hunting for holes!

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Men vs Women Jokes

Why'd they create the microwave?
So blondes could cook, too!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A cop drives up Lovers' Lane and sees a car parked. He walks up to the car and sees a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book, and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting, and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."

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Men vs Women Jokes

A women came home one day with a mirror and told her husband it was magic.
Her husband told her to prove it. She said watch, ''Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my воовs biggest of all.'' Sure enough, they grew huge. The husband was amazed and said, "Ooh, oooh, let me try! Mirror, mirror show me more, make my diск touch the floor.'' His legs fell off.

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Men vs Women Jokes Boob Jokes

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.
"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."
"Can I see one?"
"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom-" All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.
"What? What does it say?"
"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

A very hоrny guy is stranded on an island with a monkey. After a while, he decides to have sеx with the monkey, but the monkey continually slips out of his grip and runs away.
One day, a very attractive girl is drowning in the ocean and the guy saves her.
She says, "I'll do anything to repay you."
The man says, "Can you help me catch that dамn monkey?"

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster?
A: My zipper.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.
So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"
The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother-in-law."

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Men vs Women Jokes

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."
"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge", whispered Mildred.
"What", said Marge.
"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.
"What makes you think that", asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."
"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

Two boys argue over whose parents are better.
The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."
The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."
The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."

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Men vs Women Jokes

How many men does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
One, men will sсrеw anything.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why don't blondes take birth control pills?
A: The pills keep falling out.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

I don't think I could be gаy.
I just like girls too much. Man, girls are neat. I'm gonna get one, I think.

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Men vs Women Jokes

A dentist tells a blonde that she needs braces.The blonde says, "Why? I can walk just fine."
When the dentist explains that braces are for her teeth, she replies, "But my teeth don't walk."

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Dentist Jokes

This guy buys a new motorcycle.
The salesperson tells him that when it rains to go outside and rub Vaseline on it because it makes it look nice and shiny. Later that night, he goes to eat at his girlfriend's house, and the rule at thier house is if you talk during supper you have to do the dishes. So they are eating and he looks at his girlfriend and kisses her. Nobody says anything. So he fuскs her right at the table and nobody says anything. So he looks over at her mom and kisses her too. Nobody says anything. So he does her too. Next thing he knows he looks outside and it is starts to rain outside, so he grabs the Vaseline out of his pocket. At that his girlfriend's dad stands up and says, ''Okay. I will do the dамn dishes.''

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Men vs Women Jokes

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.
When they start to have sеx, the wife says that she has something to confess.
The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me."
So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested.
The husband says, "I can deal with that."
He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! you are small, but I love you nyway."
The husband says, "I have something to confess also."
She says, "No matter what I will still love you."
He says, "Okay.I am built like a baby down there."
She says, "I can deal with that."
So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she finally gets up.
She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"
He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 21inches."

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Men vs Women Jokes Hotel Jokes

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted children, but didn't know how to go about it.
Questions and conversations with friends and relatives proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big City Doctor. The doctor let them look at a child's book about where babies came from, but to no avail. He tried his own explanation but was met with blank stares. Exasperated, he took them to his private office, and showed them a роrnо movie. This was also useless. Angrily, he ordered the girl to sтriр, told the man to watch, and had sеx with her on the couch.
''Now, do you understand?'' he asked.
''I just have one question. How many times a week do I have to bring her in for this?''

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Men vs Women Jokes Military Jokes

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals and said in a demanding voice:
"Listen up kids! There will be NO sеx on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your реnis. All of you males, take off your penises and hand them to Jim the Monkey. He will write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your реnis back." After about a week, Mr. Rabbit ran over to his wife and very excitedly said, "Quick! Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!" Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window and said, "Sorry, no land yet." "S**t!" shouted Mr. Rabbit and out he went. This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water had drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?" "Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with an impatient look on his face as he held out a piece of paper. "I GOT THE DONKEY'S RECEIPT!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What is the height of noise?
A: Two skeletons f**king on a tin roof.

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Men vs Women Jokes