Men-Women jokes

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals and said in a demanding voice:
"Listen up kids! There will be NO sеx on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your реnis. All of you males, take off your penises and hand them to Jim the Monkey. He will write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your реnis back." After about a week, Mr. Rabbit ran over to his wife and very excitedly said, "Quick! Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!" Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window and said, "Sorry, no land yet." "S**t!" shouted Mr. Rabbit and out he went. This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water had drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?" "Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with an impatient look on his face as he held out a piece of paper. "I GOT THE DONKEY'S RECEIPT!"

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What is the height of noise?
A: Two skeletons f**king on a tin roof.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

You've been married to the women for 20 years.
She don't use nothing but Dial soap. Her mama uses Dial soap. All seven of her sisters use Dial soap in their seven respective homes. You can go through purse, pocketbook, and find Dial coupons any given time of the day or night. Dамn you if you come home smelling like Zest!

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

A couple at an art gallery see a picture of a nакеd woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on, but the huband keeps looking.
She asks, "What are you waiting for?"
He replies, "Autumn."

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Military Jokes

Q: Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?
A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee and a dozen donuts. Q: Who is the most popular girl at a nudist colony?
A: The girl who can eat the last donut.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Coffee Jokes

A young woman goes to her doctor and finds out that she is pregnant.She says, "I can't be! The only men I've been around are nudists from my colony, and we only practice sеx with our eyes."
The doctor replies, "Someone in that colony must be cockeyed."

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What's a 68?
A: You do me and I owe you!

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Sex Jokes

A nun tells other nuns about how she was attacked the night before. She explains her escape, "I stopped and pulled my dress up."
Shocked, the other nuns ask, "And then what?"
"He pulled his pants down," the nun replies, "And then I ran. A nun with her dress up can run much faster than a man with his pants down."

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession.
"Today Father Goodwin told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then opened my gates with his key."
"That ваsтаrd!" says Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen?
A: To draw blood.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Nurse jokes

Q: What's green and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.

0 0

Gross Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Boycott Jokes

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: "I want to hold your hand. Er, hands."

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes

Ladies, what's the first thing we do when they put us in the room and tell us to get undressed?
Look around and say, 'Now where am I gonna hide my раnтiеs?' Don't you roll them up and stick them in your purse? Or you tuck them down in your shoe? I hid mine so well the other day, I still can't find them.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

A birch and a beech tree grow up side by side in the forest.
One day, a sapling grows between them, and each swears that it's not their son. The beech thinks it's a son-of-a-birch, and the birch thinks it's a son-of-a-beech. To settle it, they enlist the help of a woodpecker, who checks it out.
"You are both wrong," he says when he comes back up. "That's the best piece of ash I've ever had my рескеr in."

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

An old man and an old woman were sitting together on their front porch.
"You used to sit closer to me," said the woman. So the man moved closer.
"You used to put your arm around me." So the man put his arm around her.
"You used to nibble on my ear."
"Let me get my teeth."

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

While the teacher was conducting her class, Little Johnny yells out, "Teacher, teacher, I have to take a рiss."
The teacher, shocked, replies "No, Johnny you may not because you did not raise your hand. And I will speak to your mother for using that word."
So Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, teacher, I have to рее!" The teacher turns and says to Little Johnny, the word is 'urinate' and you may not go to the bathroom right now. Little Johnny gets up to leave the room and says, "Teacher, teacher, urinate, but if you have вiggеr тiтs you'd be a ten."

0 0

School Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Boob Jokes

Did you hear about the man that was born with both sexes?
He had a diск and a brain!

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can go to sleep with the light on.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

How can you tell a blond has been working at a computer?
There is white out all over the screen.

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist.
At every bad situation he would always say “It could have been worse.”
His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date. Joe asked, “Where’s Gary?”
One of his friends said, “Didn’t you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.”
Joe says, ”Well it could have been worse.”
Both his friends said, “How in hеll could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!”
Joe says, “If it had happened two days ago, I’d be dead now!”

0 0

Men vs Women Jokes