Money jokes - Page 34

‘I believe that sеx is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.’
Steve Martin

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A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon.
Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would
There be any "we" in the first place."

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Chuck Norris has never received an electricity bill, he powers everything with his rage

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Money jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple brandy with a double whisky chaser.
‘You know I shouldn’t really be drinking like this with what I’ve got,’ says the man to the barman.
‘Why? What have you got?’ asks the barman. ‘Fifty pence,’ replies the man.

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Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A worker approaches his employer and holds up his last wage packet.
‘This is two hundred pounds short,’ he says. ‘I know,’ says the employer.
‘But last week I overpaid you two hundred pounds, and you didn’t say anything.’
‘Well,’ says the worker.
‘I don’t mind an occasional mistake.
But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.’

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

Money talks – all mine says is ‘Goodbye!’

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Money jokes

On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.
One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Christmas Jokes

Нiтlеr got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.

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Hitler Jokes Money jokes Dark Humor Jokes

This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whоrеhоusе with 5$. He buys a the cheapest рrоsтiтuте named Sandpaper Sally.
As they start to have sеx, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!"
Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sеx once again.
"What the hеll happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sеx I''ve ever had!"
Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Sex Jokes

What do you call a blonde with a dollar ...
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a raven with a mad dog?
A: A ravin' lunatic.

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Animal Jokes Money jokes

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys."
Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch.
"That was amazing," exclaimed the coach.
"I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?"
"Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"

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Animal Jokes Money jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Soccer Jokes

If God had meant us to pay taxes, he’d have made us smart enough to fill in the return form.

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Money jokes God Jokes

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

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Money jokes

‘How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars…’ Steve Martin

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Money jokes

An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup.
A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"
And the man said,
"Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"
And the beggar said,
"Who buys retail?"

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Money jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Jewish Jokes Coffee Jokes

An old, stingy lawyer was dying and was determined to prove wrong the old saying; "You can't take it with you." He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. His plan: Put the bags directly over his bed and when he died grab them on his way up to heaven. One day the old ambulance chaser died. When his wife was up cleaning in the attic one day, she came across the forgotten pillowcases. She then said to herself, “That old fool. I knew he should have had me put them in the basement!"

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Money jokes Lawyer Jokes Banker Jokes

Your so poor, I stepped in your house and stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said,
"Who turned of the lights".

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Money jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.

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Money jokes Chuck Norris Jokes