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Down in parts of the rural South, we are not able enough to buy our preachers cars. Instead we buy them bicycles. One Saturday afternoon a group of preachers were by the church talking. A new preachers, Billy Joe, walked up to join them. One of the preachers asked, “Where is your bicycle Billy?”
Billy replied, “I have some bad news. I believe that one of the members of our congregation has stolen my bicycle.”
The other preacher said, “Boy, that is a shame, but I have an idea. When you give your sermon on Sunday, go through the ten commandments and when you get to, THOU SHALL NOT STEAL, fire it upon them. The guilty member will return your bicycle.”
Billy thought this was a grand idea and that Sunday he did just that.
A week later the preachers were our in front of the church again chatting, and up came Billy on his bicycle. One of the preachers said, Billy, I see that it worked. Your bicycle was returned!
Billy replied, “Not exactly, I preached The Ten Commandments and when I got to, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, I remembered where I left my bicycle.
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first.
After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No, no, no,” you’re gripping the club way too hard!”
“Well, what should I do?” asks the man.
“Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s chest.”
The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yards, straight up the fairway.
The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson.
The pro watches her swing and says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.”
“What can I do?” asks the wife.
“Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s ‘thing’.”
The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft.
“That was great,”the pro says. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you’re supposed to!” says the pro.
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