Philosophy Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

My mate Dave’s always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, but lately he doesn’t seem like he’s got a care in the world.
“Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?” I asked him.
“I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “Only costs me a grand a week.”
“A grand a week? How the hеll are you going to afford that?” I asked.
“Fuск knows. That’s his problem.”

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Philosophy Jokes

Some people’s lives are like open books… Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.

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Philosophy Jokes

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and furniture spray made with real lemons?

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Philosophy Jokes

The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.

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Attitude Jokes Philosophy Jokes

“What’s done cannot be undone.”
They obviously didn’t have shoelaces in Shakespeare’s day.

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Philosophy Jokes

Some days, I think that reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.

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Philosophy Jokes

Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?

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Philosophy Jokes

A person without a sense of humor is like a car without shocks, they get jolted by pebble on the road.

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Philosophy Jokes

It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone…Be that person.

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Philosophy Jokes

Some days it just doesn’t pay to chew through the restraints.

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Philosophy Jokes

Scratching my head… What was the best thing before sliced bread?

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Philosophy Jokes

Procrastination is like маsтurватiоn. Its all well and good until you wake up one day and realize your just srewing yourself over.

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Philosophy Jokes Masturbation jokes

Life is like a мidgет at the urinаl…
… you have to be on your toes.

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Philosophy Jokes

It’s only when you are bare-аss nакеd and a mosquito lands on your nuтsаск…
…that you realize there are other ways to solve a problem without resorting to violence.

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Philosophy Jokes

I’m in my 30’s, but I still feel like I’m in my 20’s until I hang out with people in their 20’s and I’m like, “nope, I’m in my 30’s”

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Philosophy Jokes

Sometimes I worry about what other people think but then I remember that most people are super dumb and probably don’t think at all, like those that vote for our political leaders.

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Political Jokes Philosophy Jokes

I never go to buy lottery tickets.
The chances of me being attacked by a dragon on the way, are higher than me winning it.

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Philosophy Jokes

Ever wondered why your nostrils, earhole and аrsеhоlе are just the right size for your index finger?

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Philosophy Jokes

I wonder if infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery.

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Philosophy Jokes

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiот, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

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Philosophy Jokes