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Philosophy Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

As I was driving home this afternoon, I start to wonder how they get the deer to cross at those yellow road signs?

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Philosophy Jokes

Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.

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Philosophy Jokes

The vаginа is the best engine in the world.
1) It can be started with one finger;
2) It’s self-lubricating;
3) It accepts any size piston;
4) It even changes its own oil every four weeks.
It’s a shame that the management system is so fсuкing temperamental.

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Philosophy Jokes

Some people want to wake up rich. Some people want to wake up famous. I just want to wake up and not worry about a dамn thing.

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Philosophy Jokes

My mate Dave’s always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, but lately he doesn’t seem like he’s got a care in the world.
“Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?” I asked him.
“I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “Only costs me a grand a week.”
“A grand a week? How the hеll are you going to afford that?” I asked.
“Fuск knows. That’s his problem.”

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Philosophy Jokes

Some people’s lives are like open books… Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.

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Philosophy Jokes

I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs.
If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Philosophy Jokes

The guy is 22, and he immediately launches into his life philosophy, which is cute when someone is 22, right? He's like, 'Here's what I think about life. Here's my big life plan.' I was like, 'You know what? I'll see you in five years when you're on anti-depressants and thinking about teaching. '

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Insult Jokes Philosophy Jokes

Top ten things MEN would do if they woke up and had a vаginа for a day …..
…..
10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. …..
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. ….
8. See if they could finally do the splits. ….
7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.
6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes… BEFORE closing time.
4. Have consecutive multiple оrgаsмs and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for вrеаsтs too…
And, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with a vаginа…
1. Finally find that dамnеd G-spot!

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Men jokes Gynecology Jokes Philosophy Jokes

STALL WALL SCRAWL
From a Women’s Restroom
Diск’s Last Resort
Dallas, TX
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles…
you’re going to have trouble with it.

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Jokes about Women Philosophy Jokes

Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
~Wisdom From the Grizzled Old Man on a Park Bench with a Flask in a Paper Bag ~

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Men jokes Philosophy Jokes

You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise...

I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did.

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Philosophy Jokes

For years, men have used the cliche, “Why buy the соw when milk is so cheap?”
Now the ladies have retaliated with, “Why buy the pig just to get a little sausage?”

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Men jokes Philosophy Jokes

Here I am with my bottle of Tequila, waiting for life to hand me a lemon.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Philosophy Jokes

Modern philosophy:
If I went to the gym but then didn’t write a Facebook status about it, did it ever really happen?

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Facebook Jokes Fitness jokes Philosophy Jokes

Toking some good gаnjа here in my воng and thinking about how dense people are on this planet. Not dense, like people packed together in a mosh pit, but dumb … sтuрid … like sheep being led to the slaughter. …
…
“I Think of how sтuрid the average person is, and it hits me: average! That means half of the people are even more sтuрid than that.”

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Philosophy Jokes

7 things you didn’t know about me:
1. I rarely finish anything I start.

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Philosophy Jokes

I was just mulling this over:
At what age should I stop shopping at Costco because I won’t use the entire pack before I die?

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Philosophy Jokes

Ever think that when you step on the brakes, your life is in your foot’s hands?

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Philosophy Jokes

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

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Chocolate Jokes Philosophy Jokes