Jokes about Police Officers

A boy speeding on road.
Guard stops him and ask, "Did you see the speed limit sign?"
The boy says, "Yea, I just didnt see you."

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Police Officer Jokes

There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNК!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunк, "I thought the steering had gone."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Hardest job in the world: police sketch artist in China.

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Asian jokes Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: "You were speeding."
Man: "No, I wasn’t."
Officer: "Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket."
Man: "But I wasn’t speeding."
Officer: "Tell that to the judge!"
(The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: "Would I get another ticket if I called you a jеrк?"
Officer: "Yes, you would."
Man: "What if I just thought that you were?"
Officer: "I can’t give you a ticket for what you think."
Man: "Fine, I think you’re a jеrк!"

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Judge and Court Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

Two robbers were robbing a hotel.
The first one said, "I hear sirens.
Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

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Criminal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Hotel Jokes

American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there.
Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, "Hey you, what are you doing?"
"I have to throw this away," replied the tourist.
"You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered.
The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the cop, "dump all the garbage you want."
The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers.
"Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?" asked the tourist.
"No. This is the American Embassy."

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes American Jokes

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!"
The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes

A Mexican and a niggеr are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Police Officer Jokes Black People Jokes

A company offered tours through the historic district, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of the guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist.
He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at him in his 18th-century garb he asked, 'Just how long have you been waiting?'

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Police Officer Jokes

Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario.
As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: "How do you spell Mississauga?"
The other one replied: "I don't know."
So the first one said: "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed."
The second oficer said: "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?"

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes

Once there was this man whose car broke down.
He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch.
He told her his unfortunate story and she gladly let him in.
But first she told him, ''I have three rules that you musn't break or I'll see to it that you meet justice! But since talking hurts my throat so much, I won't tell you my rules.''
She let him sleep in the laundry room.
He found himself a comfortable pile of old wool sweaters.
After puffing his "pillow" he realized that a pair of pants were hanging down from a clothes line over top of his new bed.
Seeing that it was no big deal he pulled them down.
Instantly the old lady darted into the room and said, ''YOU BROKE MY FIRST RULE!''
He was sent outside to sleep in the donkey's stable.
Right beside him was a tiny donkey kicking him so much that he slapped it.
In a flash grandma was there: ''You broke the second rule.
Watch out.''
He was sent onto the porch to sleep.
All of a sudden a big, ugly cat came along and started rubbing all over him.
Being allergic to cat hair, he shaved it bald.
Here came the grandma.
''You broke the third rule,'' she starts, ''I'm calling the cops.''
The cops came and requested a description of what happened.
The old lady said, ''That man is a dамnеd rарisт.
He pulled down my pants, slapped my аss and shaved my рussy!''

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Police Officer Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

The murderer was holed up in his house, and the SWAT team was trying to get him out.
A cop got on the bullhorn and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!"
The murderer called back, "I'm warning you.
If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll кill us both!"

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Police Officer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Рrоsтiтuте in the police station.
The desk officer says "so when did you réalise you were rареd ?"
She replies ... "when the chèque bounced !"

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Prostitute Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Police Officer Jokes

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, 'Let's get off the corner.'
No one moved, so he barked again, 'Let's get off the corner!' Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, 'Well, how did I do?'
'Pretty good,' replied the veteran, 'especially since this is a bus stop.'

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes

A man has his car full of penguins.
He drives past a policeman, but the policeman stops him. He says:
"Hey, you! Yeah, you! You should take those penguins to the zoo!"
The man does that.
The next day in the same spot, the man still has the penguins.
Once again he drives past the policeman.
"Hey, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"
"I did," replies the man.
"We had so much fun that were going to the beach today!"

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Police Officer Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

ONEA married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. Thewife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear." TWO Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." the second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You duммy, it's me!" THREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"FOUR A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." FIVE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" SIX A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth." SEVEN Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the сriме. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K_9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K_9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Police Officer Jokes Cheating Jokes Dog jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are walking by a mall.A policeman starts running after them, so they start running too.They come upon 3 sacks and jump into them.The cop stops and kicks the 1st sack and the brunette says "Meow."The cop says, "Oh, it's only a cat."He kicks the 2nd sack and the redhead says "Woof."The cop says, "Oh, it's only a dog."Then he comes up to the third sack and kicks it.The blonde says "Potatoes".And the cop says "Oh, it's only a sack of potatoes!"Do you know why the cop didn't catch her?Because he was a blonde too!

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Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildо stuck up his аrsе.
They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes Soccer Jokes

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nudе.
He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"
"A bird," the guy replied.
The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.
When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know.
I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."
Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that nакеd fellow?"
After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him?
Nothing.
I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Military Jokes

Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?"
Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Flirt jokes