if (!string.IsNullOrEmpty(Model.PrevPageFullUrl)) { } if (!string.IsNullOrEmpty(Model.NextPageFullUrl)) { } Religion jokes - Page 30

Religion jokes

Newest jokes in this category

A priest asked a group of fourth graders in a religious class, "How many of you would like to go to heaven?"
All raised their hands except Johnny. The priest asked Johnny why he didn't want to go to heaven.
Johnny said,
"I do, but I thought you wanted to go right now."

0 0

Religion jokes

One night a priest who is driving erratically gets pulled over by a cop. The cop asks him if he's been drinking. The priest says he's been drinking water all night. The cop sees a bottle of wine in the passenger seat and tells the priest what he sees.
The priest then nonchalantly says to the cop, "Jesus has done it again!"

0 0

Religion jokes Wine jokes

How do you castrate a priest?
Kick the alter boy in the back of the head.

0 0

Religion jokes

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was nакеd."

0 0

Religion jokes

Two nuns are driving down a dark, winding road in rural Transylvania when they turn a corner to see a vampire hovering over what appears to be a body in the middle of the road. It looks up and hisses as the headlights illuminate blood-covered fangs. …
Sister Mary looks at Sister Elizabeth and says, “What should I do?”
Sister Elizabeth answers, “Show him your cross.”
So Sister Mary leans out of the window and yells, “Get the fuск out of the road you pointy-toothed ваsтаrd, or I’ll run your аss over!”
Then she leans back into the vehicle and says, “I hope that was cross enough.”

0 0

Religion jokes

Saw a fire breakout at my local mosque yesterday so I reported it to the emergency services.
Hopefully they got my message and did something to help otherwise it will have been a waste of a first class stamp.

0 0

Religion jokes

Got given a Jehovah’s Witness advent calender today. Every time you open the door there are 2 people standing behind it.

0 0

Religion jokes

It’s sad to see so much violence coming from the Muslim community in recent weeks. On the plus side my local Halal butcher has had some great deals on meat.

0 0

Religion jokes

Have you heard about that new Muslim rock band from Saudi Arabia?
They’re called the ‘Throwing Stones’.

0 0

Religion jokes

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-Eleven store. As they passed by the вееr cooler, one nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cool вееr or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”
The second nun answered, “Indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying вееr, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand.”
“I can handle that without a problem,” the other nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the checkout.
The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of вееr.
“We use вееr for washing our hair,” the nun said. “Back at the convent, we call it ‘Catholic shampoo.’ ”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the вееr. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said, “The curlers are on the house.”

0 0

Religion jokes

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight.
“Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?” He asked.
“No, Father. Just a little gas,” Sister Susan explained.
A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. “Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?” he asked again.
“Oh no, Father. Just a little gas,” she replied again.
A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, “Cute little fаrт.”

0 0

Religion jokes

The following took place at a dinner party in Jerusalem about 2000 years ago.
This is my body. *Pulls out some bread*
This is my blood. *Pours some wine*
This is a stick up *Pulls out a gun*, put your hands on your head and get on the floor.

0 0

Religion jokes Wine jokes

A preacher and his two deacons go hunting and they all come upon this huge buck, all wanting to brag about their success they all shoot at it, it falls dead they all walk up to it and the game warden walks up and the deacon says how do we know which one of us shot him?
The game warden says I do the preacher did, it went in one ear and out the other

0 0

Religion jokes

A priest and a cab driver went to heaven.
The priest was given fifty bags of gold and a nice house.
The cab driver was given the same but also a boat, a lake and a box of diamonds.
The priest asked St. Peter, "Hey I was a priest, how come I don't get a box of diamonds or a lake or a boat?"
St. Peter said,
"We go by results. During your sermons people slept, during his cab rides people prayed."

0 0

Religion jokes

Know why muslims don’t wear underwear?
They don’t want to leave ‘bacon strips’.

0 0

Religion jokes

A pastor asked his Bible class, "Why was Jesus born in Bethlehem?"
A student replied, "Because his mother was there."

0 0

Religion jokes

I murdered a load of Jehovah’s at church today.
Don’t worry, I left no witnesses.

0 0

Religion jokes

After feeling a bit suicidal I called the Islamic Samaritans earlier today. They seemed really nice and even offered to give me flying lessons free of charge.

0 0

Religion jokes

Did you know that in the Bible, baseball is the very first thing mentioned?
"In the big inning..."

0 0

Religion jokes

Song of Solomon is one book of the bible dedicated solely to romantic love...
Isn't it it ironic that its initials are SOS?

0 0

Religion jokes