Sarcasm Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

I’m amazed at the skills of McDonald’s employees.
Last week I went to pay for a meal with a fifty pound note and the guy studied it like he was some sort of fuскing counterfeit expert.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I ordered a leather sofa off the Ikea website last week.
They sent me a dead соw and some instructions on how to skin it.

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Sarcasm Jokes

We all have faults.
It’s just that mine are better than yours.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I went into the kitchen this morning and said to the wife, “Is that coffee I smell?”
She said, “It is and you do.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

A bloke sees his ex-wife with her new lover and decides to wind him up so he shouts over “How’s the second-hand рussy?”
Quick as a flash, her lover replies “Great! After the first three inches, it’s like brand new.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

The other day I asked my girlfriend to text me a photo of her сunт.
She replied with a photo of me.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I used to think it was pretentious that Subway call their staff “Sandwich Artists”.
But I suppose it is the most likely career option for an Art graduate.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Must be lonely over there on “I’m offended by jokes” island.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Today is one of those days where I just feel like watching a bunch of movies with my girlfriend. Can anybody recommend a good girlfriend?

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Sarcasm Jokes

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, “Where ya going boy?”
The son smiled and replied, “I’m a-going courting Peggy-Sue.”
The Father said, “When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me no dang lantern.”
“Sure Pa, I know.” the boy said. “And look what you got.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress.
He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated.
As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband’s opinion. By this time he had learned just the right things to say.
“It’s perfect!” he exclaimed. “It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips.”
Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out. “If there is a dress here that will do that, I’ll buy them all!”

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Sarcasm Jokes

Some chick said I look like I”ve been run over by a steamroller.
I said thanks for the flattery.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Nobody is interested in your sorrow, unless you can make a joke or a poem out of it.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Statistically 9 out of 10 people enjoy stealing other people’s jokes

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Sarcasm Jokes

Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat, then I remember they just feed off attention.

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Sarcasm Jokes

When they start getting the 5-day forecast right then maybe I'll listen to their climate change theories.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I’d like to think I’m good in an argument. Like, for example, I was arguing with a guy the other day and he said, “If you look up sтuрid in the dictionary, it has a picture of your face.”
I said, “I’m not the one who had to look up sтuрid in the dictionary. Also, my dictionary doesn’t have f*cking pictures.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

A stand up is getting heckled by a member of the audience. After being interrupted the comic snaps and goes on a rant.
“The average vаginа is 7.5 inches deep and the average реnis is 6 inches. This means that in this world of 6.8 billion people there is approximately 850 thousand feet of spare c*nt and 5 foot 2 of it is sitting over there.” He points to the heckler.
“But I’m 5 foot 10.” The heckler replies.
“Oh, then you’re an even вiggеr c*nt than I thought you were.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

When people don't make sense, listen to music. It always does.

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Sarcasm Jokes