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Sarcasm Jokes

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Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat, then I remember they just feed off attention.

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Sarcasm Jokes

When they start getting the 5-day forecast right then maybe I'll listen to their climate change theories.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I’d like to think I’m good in an argument. Like, for example, I was arguing with a guy the other day and he said, “If you look up sтuрid in the dictionary, it has a picture of your face.”
I said, “I’m not the one who had to look up sтuрid in the dictionary. Also, my dictionary doesn’t have f*cking pictures.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

A stand up is getting heckled by a member of the audience. After being interrupted the comic snaps and goes on a rant.
“The average vаginа is 7.5 inches deep and the average реnis is 6 inches. This means that in this world of 6.8 billion people there is approximately 850 thousand feet of spare c*nt and 5 foot 2 of it is sitting over there.” He points to the heckler.
“But I’m 5 foot 10.” The heckler replies.
“Oh, then you’re an even вiggеr c*nt than I thought you were.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

When people don't make sense, listen to music. It always does.

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Sarcasm Jokes

My wife’s leaving me because I’m so arrogant.
I told her to close the door on her way back in.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I think without doubt the best job in Iraq, would have to be Foreign Ambassador...

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Sarcasm Jokes

I won a tidy sum on the lottery and gave my homeless brother a new home.
It was the box from my new 65″ TV.

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Sarcasm Jokes

My mates all say I’m a bit of a pub scarecrow.
I stand in the corner and frighten all the birds.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Before my son could start going on job interviews, he needed to dress the part. That, he decided, required a $500 suit.
“What!?” I answered, gagging at the price tag. “I’ve bought cars for $500!”
“That’s why I want the $500 suit,” he said. “So I don’t have to drive $500 cars.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

“Why has everything got to be a game with you?” My wife sighed.
“An excellent question love” I said, “but next time, please use the buzzer.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

When I die, I’d like the word ‘Humble’ to be written
On my statue.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I was reading that scientists have discovered that the Tyrannosaurus Rex had a ‘cousin’ that was vegetarian.
It must have been a вlооdy nightmare to have a vegetarian in the family when your arms are too short to cover your ears.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sarcasm Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

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God Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

So, it’s nearly that day again when people come up to me with their scary faces and frightening clothes with their hands held out begging for money.
I fuскing hate my job at the benefits office in Liverpool.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Back when I was a kid, there was no internet,
So people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a сunт.

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Kids Jokes Internet Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A small ATM room which is equipped with 2 ACs and 4 tube lights, working 24 hours a day, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment.

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Office and Work Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, “May I have your attention please, ” she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore “F*** You!” Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

When I was at school, fifty two percent of the class were good at maths. I was one of the other thirty eight percent.

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

My wife woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and said
“Oh god, you can tell I went to bed with wet hair, look at it, it’s massive!”
“Did you go to bed with a wet аrsе too?” I said……

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God Jokes Sarcasm Jokes