Sarcasm Jokes - Page 10

To help fatties, supermarkets should help promote healthy living by putting all cakes, ice creams, pies etc. in aisles that are too narrow for the fат fcukers to fit through.

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Last year, I went to America on a mountain climbing holiday. I had an accident, and fell 30ft.
I broke both my legs and was bleeding heavily.
I managed to make it to a road, where I flagged down a car which drove me to the hospital.
I crawled into the waiting room, and two nurses ran over to me.
“Oh my God, are you alright?” one of them shouted.
I said, “I’m absolutely fine, why do you ask?” before passing out.
After waking up in the same spot 6 hours later, I realised there’s a time and a place for sarcasm.

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God Jokes USA Jokes Nurse jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
“Mom,” said the little boy, “what are all those women doing?”
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They ‘re hookers, boy! They have sеx with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true, Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, “Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?”
“Most of them become cab drivers,” she said.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A young high school girl is walking past a construction site when one of the builders yells out, “Hey gorgeous! Why don’t you come over here and sit on my face?
Without even blinking an eye,she yells back,”Why,sweetheart,is your nose вiggеr than your соск!!!”

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

This kid about ten tears old was being a right little сunт with his mum and dad in the supermarket,
“Are you by any chance an only child? ” I asked him,
“Yeah, why? What;s it got to do with you? ” He replied.
“Nothing, ” I said, “but I can see why they stopped. “

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, “Burger and сhiрs, please.”
“Certainly, Sir,” I replied. “Are you eating in or taking out?”
“Fuск off you сunт,” he snapped, before walking off with his food.
I love working in the prison canteen.

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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

In the competition of female logics, a random number generator won.

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Jokes about Women Sarcasm Jokes

“I love you loads, honey pie.” My wife said earlier.
“And I love you tons.” I replied.
“What, no nickname for me?” She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear the fат соw’s going deaf.

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Fat Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

When I was single, I never was into the whole bar scene. I just wasn’t very good at it. I never quite mastered the art of the “pick up line.”
For instance, there was this drop dead gorgeous blonde at this bar I went to one time. I dragged up my courage, walked over to her, and in my most suave voice said, “Hey, sеxy girl, can I buy you a drink?”
She diverted her gaze towards me. Gorgeous blue eyes. Beautiful ruby-red lips. Вrеаsтs to die for. She licked her lips and said, “Tell me, do you like sеx?”
Oh my. Better than I could have hoped for. “Yes, I love sеx.”
“Wonderful,” she said, coming a little closer, “Do you like to travel?”
“Oh yeah. I love to travel.”
“Good,” she said, “then fсuк off.”

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Single People Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

When I was a kid, I had an auntie who used to always call me by my brother’s name.
It really рissеd me off.
Finally, I just snapped.
I said, ‘You are the biggest fсuкing idiот I’ve ever met.’
She got all upset, and rang my dad.
My brother still has the scars from the beating he got.

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

(This is a true account of my advice to my pre-teen a few years back. We all know, for the most part that 5th grade boys haven’t started to develop, yet they are still proud of their alleged superiority and having “something” that girls don’t have, and ages ten and eleven are among the ugliest ages for taunting and bullying during “recess” and on the school buses.)
So my ten year old confides in me that a group of boys taunt her every day that she is a “Pirate’s Dream,” with a “sunken chest.” So I asked her: “Who is the ‘ringleader?'”
She told me, and I said, “Tomorrow, look him straight in the eye, and respond, ‘You’re a fine one to talk, centimeter peter.’ ”
Two days later, she said, “I did you one better, daddy, I called him ‘millimeter peter’ and all his friends laughed at him as he slunk away in shame.”
She never had any further trouble and by age 16, she had a more than respectable rack.

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School Jokes Friendship Jokes Sarcasm Jokes Pirate Jokes

There was only 2 things I was good at in school... Maths.

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Lawyers really aren't so bad, it's just ninety-nine percent of lawyers that make the rest look bad.

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Lawyer Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

My daughter’s school teacher rang me today.
“Young Sarah didn’t turn up for school today?” he said.
“I know, her mother died yesterday,” I replied. “So she won’t be back for a while.”
“Sorry to hear that,” he sighed. “How’s she getting on?”
“Very well,” I replied. “She’s on her third lot of laundry and has already prepared dinner.”

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A Fireman comes home from work and tells his wife “wow we really have things going good at the firehall.
When the captain yells 1 we slide down the pole. When he yells 2 we put on our suits.
When he yells 3 were on the truck and on our way. So from now on when I come home and yell 1 you take off your clothes. When I yell 2 jump on the bed. And when I say 3 we will be goin at it.
The husband comes home the next day and yells 1 and the wife takes off her clothes. He Yells 2 and she jumps on the bed. He then yells 3 and there going at it.
She then yells “4.”
He says” What the hеll is 4?”
The wife said ” Your hose isn’t nearly big enough and your getting no where close to the fire!”

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Office and Work Jokes Military Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
“Your behind is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet it is вiggеr than the barbecue grill.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife’s bottom was.
“Yes, I was right; it is two inches wider than the barbecue grill!”
The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in the bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
She answers:
“Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-аss grill for one little wееniе?”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

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School Jokes Money jokes Sarcasm Jokes

My sister was reading out my parents will when she said, “Do you want to hear something funny?”
“Go on,” I replied.
“Mum and Dad’s house.”
“I don’t get it,” I said confused.
“I know,” She laughed. “I do…. Funny isn’t it.”

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Dad Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

It’s never a good thing when you’re having sеx, and someone asks you, “What are you doing?”

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Sex Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the мurdеr of her husband.
They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide.

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Police Officer Jokes Sarcasm Jokes