Sarcasm Jokes

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I was playing Fifa earlier, and found that Chicago had a team called Chicago Fire.
I was disgusted, imagine naming your sports team after the worst event in your cities history.
You don’t see the New Orleans Katrinas, the Boston Massacres, the Okalahoma Bombings, the San Francisco Big Ones, or the New York Jets…

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Sports Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

When she asked me if I liked her, I said, “No.” As I stared into her tearful eyes, I said, “You didn’t ask me if I love you, though.”
“Do you love me?” she said, as her face lit up. “No,” I replied.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Me being rude: Can you move out my fuскing way.
Me being nice: Can you please move out my fuскing way.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Barry Manilow 1974 - Oh Mandy Barry Manilow 2017 - Oh Andy

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Sarcasm Jokes

The wife was counting all the 1p’s and 2p’s out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got angry and started shouting and crying for no reason !
I thought to myself ‘ she’s going through the change’.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Some people have way more diск in their personality than they do in their pants.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I applied for a job today and they ask for three references. I wrote, "a dictionary, a Thesaurus, and a map."

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Sarcasm Jokes

I saw a sign in McDonald’s today, it said ‘we do not accept $100 notes’.
Fcuk me, if I had a $100 note, I wouldn’t be eating in McDonald’s.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last two years,and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day.
I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip.
I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people2,000 years ago. Yours truly, A Commuter.
Dear Sir: We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely, The Railroad.
Gentlemen:I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his аss.
That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years.
Yours truly, A Commuter

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Sarcasm Jokes

I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my smartphone.
(The Only Thing Worse Than a Dead Person is a Dead Battery!)

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Sarcasm Jokes

My gold plated вuтт-plug business is being sued by Apple.
Apparently they have a patent for overpriced сrар for arseholes.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Cadbury’s have brought out a new box of chocolates for inconsiderate people.
They’re self centred!

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Sarcasm Jokes

A guy walks into a bar, puts his pet rabbit up on the mahogany, and starts drinking. While he’s drinking, the rabbit starts doing little rabbit pellets on the bar.
After a while, he leaves, and another guy, a real loudmouth, walks in.
He says, “Hey, barkeep,give me a drink for me, a drink for you, what do you say, there’s nothing to do.”
He has a few drinks, and the whole time he’s running his mouth, annoying the bartender. Finally, he spots the rabbit pellets.
He says, “Hey, barkeep, what are these?”
The bartender says, “They’re smart pills.”
The loudmouth says, “Can I try a few?”
The bartender says, “Knock yourself out.”
The guy pops a few in his mouth, chews for a while, then spits them out and exclaims, “Yuck! These taste like fсuкing sh1t!”
The bartender says, “You’re getting fсuкing smarter already.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, “I’m going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam.”
The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, “Not big enough.”
She brings out a вiggеr one. He says, “Still not big enough.”
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, “Still not big enough.”
She says, “Listen, Ace, why don’t you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?”

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Sarcasm Jokes

A visitor to Texas once asked, “Does it ever rain out here?”
“Yes, it does,” replied the rancher. “Do you remember that part in the Bible when it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?”
“Yes, I’m familiar with Noah’s flood,” the visitor said.
“Well,” said the rancher, “we got two and a half inches during that spell.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

I was outside smoking when a posh gentleman came over and asked for a cigarette.
As we stood puffing away together I turned and said, “You should give that up, you know. It’s a disgusting habit.”
He said, “Smoking?”
I said, “Begging.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

OK, I got a flat tire and pulled off the roadway to change it. Sтuрid bloke wanders up and says “Did your tire go flat?” ….
….
I said, “No, I was just driving along and the other three just swelled up.”

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Sarcasm Jokes

People with 1 syllable names fuскing ruin the happy birthday song.

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Sarcasm Jokes

I’ve invented a new Kings of Leon smoke alarm.
Instead of just beeping it goes,Whooooooooooooooooooohhhoooooooooooo your house is on fire.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Whilst on a helicopter trip in Miami,
My wife asked the pilot
‘Whats the name of that place around here that’s named after a shape,
Where planes disappear without a trace?’
‘I think you must mean the Bermuda triangle’, He replied.
I said ‘I’ll think you’ll find that it’s the Pentagon’.

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Sarcasm Jokes