School jokes, Teacher Jokes

Johnny entered class and was surprised by a pop quiz for which he was not prepared.
He answered all ten questions with, "Only God knows."
Grade: God 100 - Johnny 0

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A boy walks into the school nurse's office.
Nurse: Why are you here?
Boy: I’m sick
Nurse: sick of what?
Boy: The teacher

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

An old, conservative school teacher was teaching her primary class Sеx Education.
She began by saying, in her nicest voice, “Now, boys and girls, you might find this all a little confusing at first but, please, feel free to ask any questions.”
Little Billy raised his hand, “Miss, I’m confused already!”
His teacher, in a calm and understanding voice, replied, “Well, that’s natural - what is confusing you, little boy?”
“Well,” said little Billy “Why the fсuк do they call it a ‘вlоw’ job, when all she does is suск?”

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School Jokes Sex Jokes

When I was growing up, I had a Jewish friend. After school I hung out with him at his house two or three days a week.
His family was very frugal and they weren’t very religious. On  Hanukkah, his mother had their Menorah on a dimmer.

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Religion jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Friendship Jokes

Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called "Headmaster?"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

Teacher to a student:
"Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?"
"Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Men jokes

Son: Daddy, I got punished in school today.
Dad: Why?
Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying, "At the end of this scale there is an idiот.".
I just asked "Which end?".

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School Jokes Dad Jokes

Teacher: Joey, why did you bring your pussycat to school?
Joey: Well, I heard my dad say to my mom last night that he was going to eat that рussy when I went to school, and I didn't want poor Bubbles to get eaten!
Teacher: ...

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage-restrictive."
Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information."
The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."
Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."
You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes

Where does Ice Cream go to school?
Answer: Sundae School.

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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Kay Burley:
“Parisians have bravely ignored warnings of a further atrocity and taken to the streets again”.
So what? American kids go to school every weekday.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

The new family in the neighbourhood overslept, and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.
The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she’d direct him to the school.
They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.
The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she’d led him around in such a circle.
The child explained, “That’s the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It’s the only way I know.”

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

What is the only good thing about paedophiles? They never break the speed limit when they drive past schools.

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School Jokes Dirty jokes

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."
"Just leave all the lights on... It makes the house look more cheery."
"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week."
"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."
"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
"I don't have a tissue with me... Just use your sleeve."
"Don't bother wearing a jacket -- the wind-chill is bound to improve."
"Sure you can go joyriding with Evan. He's only had one major accident."
"Don't bother cleaning your room, I bought a second set of dishes."

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School Jokes

I’ll do algebra, I’ll do statistics, I’ll even do trigonometry…
But graphing, THAT is where I draw the line!

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School Jokes

What do an old person, a Mexican man, and a high school student close to graduation have in common?
They're all seniors.

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School Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Students in an advanced Biology class was taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, “Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.” The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the веll rang for the end of class he wrote:
7. It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
He got an A

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School Jokes

How the teacher laughed when I told him I wanted to be a cardiologist when I grew up.
He won’t be laughing now when he opens his chicken nuggets to find there’s no dip in with them.

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School Jokes

A man walked up to a school and said "can you teach me to read and write"
The administrator said,
"Yes we can"! Just fill out this form."

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School Jokes Men jokes

I have a friend in chef’s school …
He started stealing cutlery from his cooking classes …
It was a whisk he was willing to take.

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School Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Friendship Jokes