School jokes, Teacher Jokes

When my daughter came home from school to find her pet rabbit missing she looked everywhere for it,
Eventually asking me, “Where can he be?”
- ” Maybe you should look somewhere where there might be carrots” I suggested
“That’s a good idea” she replied
“And peas, onions and gravy” I added as I dished up stew for dinner.

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I wish I went to boarding school as a kid…
Would love to be able to surf.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said,
"I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?"
Finally, after much urging, a little girl said,
"Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."

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School Jokes

Our closest enemy is Castro. Anybody scared of Castro? Nah. It's like рissing off the slow kid in school.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

A human fаrт can be louder than a trombone.
I discovered that at my daughter’s school concert.

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School Jokes

Son: Dad!, Dad! I got a part in the school play! I play the husband.
Dad: Too bad they did not give a speaking role.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

My five-year-old nephew has always happily answered to BJ. That ended when he came home from his first day of school in a foul mood. It seems his teacher took roll call and he never heard his name.
"Why didn’t anyone tell me my name was William?!" he complained.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

A nursery school driver was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said Tommy.
"No," said Billy, "he’s just for good luck."
Peter brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," he said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?"
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?"
Again the answer was "No!"
"Well", she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

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School Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes

…What is the difference between Cheerios and the Nebraska Cornhuskers? …
…Cheerios look better in a bowl.
… ….
…Why does Memorial Stadium have Astroturf instead of grass? …
… It prevents the Nebraska cheerleaders from grazing during halftime.
… Why is a Nebraska cheerleader like railway tracks?
… Because she’s been laid all over the country!
…What do you call a Nebraska cheerleader with pigtails?
…A вlоw job with handlebars.
…What happened to the Nebraska cheerleader when she did the splits?
…10 class rings fell out.
…Whom is the best Nebraska cheerleader in the world?
…The one that never misses a period.

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School Jokes

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.
After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps ваnging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing on my bagpipes."

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School Jokes

We live in a culture where a рrоsтiтuте on the street can earn more money than a school teacher. That's disgraceful. We have to start paying prostitutes as poorly as we do school teachers.

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School Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes

I’m getting pretty nervous about my maths exam.
I think I’ve got a 40:40% chance of passing.

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School Jokes

A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about рussy, and their b*tch. The boy confused by this goes to his mother. "Mom", the boy asks, "What's a рussy?"The mother being startled by this thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says "Son, that is a рussy." the son then asks "What's a b*tch?" The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says "Son, this is a b*tch."The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says "Dad, what's a рussy?" The father doesn't want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out his Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vаginа and says "Son, this is a рussy!"The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks "Then, what is a b*tch?"
The dad replies,
"That's everything outside the circle!"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Schools have come under pressure recently as large numbers of students have been getting bad exam results. On the plus side pregnancy test results are at an all-time high.

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School Jokes Political Jokes

My son came home from school looking all excited.
“I got a B on my reading test,” he told me.
“That’s a fuскing D,” I replied.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

My lazy son asked me to do his homework but make it look like he’s done it, so I agreed.
I didn’t bother doing it.

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School Jokes

Teacher: Suppose you have $10 and you asked your brother for $5.
How much would you have then?
Student: $10
Teacher: why?
Student: My brother wont give me any.

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School Jokes

When I first called up my high school sweetheart, I hadn't seen him for 12 years, and I found out that he had become a cop. And I thought, 'Oh, cops are so brave! They're heroes and protect us from bad people and risk their lives!' Then I met them all, and I found out they go to Ноотеrs.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

There’s a door at the back of the school bus that says, “For emergency use only”. ….
…..
Now I know why it stinks of рiss all the time.

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School Jokes