School jokes, Teacher Jokes

Q. What did the Muslim man say to his wife on their wedding day?
A. “I’m so happy… that you managed to get the day off school today”.

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A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

Confusius say,boy who brings ladder to school must be in High School.

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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes

I knocked on my neighbour’s door and said, “Your daughter owes me a new van. I’ve just crashed into a tree because of her.”
“You must be mistaken,” she replied, “our daughter is upstairs getting changed out of her school uniform”
I said, “I know, she’s left the curtains open.”

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School Jokes Sex Jokes

How people deal with insults
Pre-school: *cries* I'm telling
Primary school: Go away, leave me alone
Middle school: Get sucked
High school: You got a problem b*tch?

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School Jokes Insult Jokes

When I arrived for my daughter’s parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my little girl didn’t always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty.
“For example, she’ll do the wrong page in the workbook,” the teacher explained, “and I’ve even found her sitting in the wrong desk.”
“I don’t understand that,” I replied defensively. “Where could she have gotten that?”
The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likable. Finally, after a pause, she added, “By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was for tomorrow.”

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

At Cambridge University, a bright young student showed up for the exam and asked the proctor to bring him cakes and ale.
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me cakes and ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me cakes and ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred-year-old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section that read (roughly translated):
"Gentlemen sitting in examinations may request and require cakes and ale."
Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily eating and slurping away.
Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

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School Jokes

Two residents of the town voted the dumbest city in the United States went to the local library to find out the origins of this dubious honor. Pouring through the original charters and reproductions of documents on microfiche, they came to some stunning conclusions.
"They didn't even know how to plot out the parcels of land to establish the city limits," said Tom.
"And the first mayor didn't even graduate from high school," added William.
"Looks like they wrote out the township's constitution on toilet paper," Tom remarked.
"Yeah, and look at the picture of the first city council. Who drew question marks above their heads?" asked William.
"It seems like right from the beginning, stupidity was the order of the day." Tom lamented.
At the next council meeting Tom and William went before the citizens and told them everything they had learned about how their city had its initial beginnings. Needless to say, the town was dumbfounded.

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School Jokes

A mom concerned about her kindergarten son's safety walking to school but not wanting to embarrass him, asked a neighbor if she would follow him but not too close for him to notice. The neighbor Mrs. Goodnest said no problem since she needed to take her toddler Marcy for a walk. The next day Mrs. Goodnest and her girl Marcy followed the boys. After a week of being followed a friend asked Timmy if he noticed the lady following them. Timmy said yes. His friend asked if he knew her. Timmy said yes, she is Shirley Goodnest and her daughter Marcy. His friend asked why was she following them. Timmy answered; well every night my mom makes me say the 23rd psalm with my prayers. In the psalm it says, “Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life" so I'll just have to get use to it.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

Four southern ladies were sitting around having Вlооdy Marys and talking about how much their husbands loved them. The first one says,
"My husband loves me so much that he bought me a diamond ring." But, of course, she was in such a hurry she forgot her rings, but all the women still said,
"Oh, how nice." The second woman says,
"Well, my husband loves me so much he got me a fur coat." But it was the middle of July and too hot to wear a coat, but still all the ladies said,
"Oh, how nice." So then the third woman says,
"Well, my husband loves me so much he bought me a Mercedes-Benz." And, of course, she was being chauffeured in the family Buick." So they all looked at the fourth woman and said,
"Well, honey, how much does your husband love you?" She replied, "He loves me so much that he bought me lesson to a charm school so I could learn to say 'Oh, how nice' instead of sarcastically saying 'Oh, ya, right' after everything you ladies say."

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A mother sees her son watching television and says,
"Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework! Why are you watching television?"
Jimmy replies,
"It's okay, Mom! I haven't done my homework yet."

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School Jokes

A junior-high student was studying astronomy and enjoying it greatly.
One morning at breakfast she mentioned, "On Friday we're having a quiz on the moon."
Her little brother piped up, "Are you gonna let her go, Mom???"

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School Jokes

“What did your mother do yesterday morning. Vicky?”
“She done her shopping, ma’am.”
“Done her shopping, Vicky? Where’s your grammar?”
“She done her shopping as well, ma’am.”

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School Jokes

Whenever you think you would like to go back to your teenage years... think of Algebra!

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School Jokes

There was a teacher who was shouting at his class because they were being lazy. "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you failed this math class," he said.
One of the kids rasies his hand, "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

A Student wanting to measure something asks his teacher, "Sir, do you have a ruler?"
"Yes," answers the teacher, "She's at home watching the kids."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked. “What’s the problem Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.”
“Well, uh, yes, it is,” replied Carol “I was sтuрid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.”
“Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but his once I’ll let your just unfold the paper and hand it in.”
“Oh, but that won’t work,” said Carol, looking even sadder. “You see, the plane was hijacked

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

“What would you like to be when you grow up Tommy?”
“I’d like to be a teacher, sir.”
“Would you, indeed? And why would you like to be a teacher?”
“Cause I wouldn’t have to do any more learning - I’d know everything by then!”

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School Jokes

Mrs. Smith, I ain’t got no crayons.
Young man, you mean, I don’t have any crayons.
You don’t have any crayons. We don’t have any crayons.
They don’t have any crayons.
Do you see what I’m getting at?
I think so. What happened to all the crayons?

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School Jokes Men jokes

Teacher: Ok Billy, what do you wanna be when you grow up?
Student: I wanna be the president!
Teacher: I don't thing you can.
Billy: ВIТСН, YOU SAID I COULD BE ANYTHING I WANTED!

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Student jokes School Jokes