Sex Jokes - Page 105

Should I have a baby after 35?
No, 35 children is enough.
I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
With any luck, right after he finishes college.
What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sеx?
Childbirth.
My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
So what's your question?
My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
When is the best time to get an epidural?
Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
Yes, pregnancy.
Do I have to have a baby shower?
Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

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A doctor was advising a couple after he performed minor surgery on the wife. “It will take you seven days to heal, so no sеx for a week.”
“Did you hear that?” the wife asked her husband.
“Yes,” he said. “But he was talking to you.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

My favorite adult store had a contest recently. The first prize was a ribbed rabbit viвrатоr and second place was a Hitachi Magic Wand.
They needed a catchy name for their remodeled female sеx toy division.
Second place winner: Amanda xxx for “Toys for Тwатs”
First place Winner: Judy xxx for “Battery Operated Boyfriends.”

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

If you're a white guy and you're sleeping with a black girl, there's only one way you know if you're putting it down like you should. Don't listen to 'Oh, you're the biggest. You're the best.' Don't listen to that -- she says that to everybody. Don't listen to that. The only way you know is, in the middle of sеx, she grabs the back of your head, looks you dead in the face, and calls you the n-word. When you can make her аss forget you're white, that's when you know you're putting it down.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

If evolution was real…
I’d have a vаginа in the palm of my hand.

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Sex Jokes

By 'long term,' I mean you're having sеx with the same person twice a week with no соndом.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Roxanne Pulitzer: sеx scandal, Florida. William Kennedy Smith: sеx scandal, Florida. Рее-Wee Herman: sеx scandal, Florida. Now, if you look at Florida on a map -- now, Florida's lucky to be in warm water, too, because Maine has a peninsula, also, and it's not nearly that size.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Four rich friends were hanging out on a restaurant when one of them recieved a phone call and had to leave for a time. Meanwhile, the other three were discussing about their son's career. The first one said: My son is an architect, and he designed many big and expensive mansions. He's so rich he gave his girlfriend a mansion aswell. The second one said: That's nothing! My son is an engineer, and he designed many supercars and sportcars. He is so rich he gave a Ferrari to his girlfriend. The third one said: Those are weak! My son designs yatchs. They are very, very expensive and many celebrities bought yatchs from him. He is so rich he gave his girlfriend a yatch.
After the argument, the fourth friend came back. The three who where in the restaurant asked him: And what about your son?
He replied: my son? He is gаy. He had his sеx changed...
Everyone was shocked when he said that.
I know... But he, or she's not that going that bad. He just won a mansion, a Ferrari and a yatch!

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Sports Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

I knocked on my neighbour’s door and said, “Your daughter owes me a new van. I’ve just crashed into a tree because of her.”
“You must be mistaken,” she replied, “our daughter is upstairs getting changed out of her school uniform”
I said, “I know, she’s left the curtains open.”

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School Jokes Sex Jokes

Do you have a good imagination.
Try this: Pretend there are two dice on your computer keyboard.
Got the picture?
Good.
Now, pick up one of them and imagine you see the spots.
What number is it?
Did the number remind you of your first sеxuаl experience?
No, probably not.
Now put down that die and pick up the other one and look at the spots.
How many do you see?
What’s the number?
Did THAT make you think of your first sеxuаl experience?
I suppose it didn’t.
Now pick up both the dice and shake them in your hand.
Are you shaking them?
Good.
I bet THAT reminds you of your first sеxuаl experience!

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Sex Jokes

Whilst having sеx with the wife last night, she told me to kiss her “somewhere dirтy”So I took her to liverpool..

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Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

I stopped my car in a lay-by last night and had sеx with a complete stranger.
As I sat there with one hand on the steering wheel, she suddenly climbed on top of me and said, “The deal is you must pull out just before еjасulатing.”
I agreed and a few minutes later, as I got the urge to shoot my load, I quickly pulled out.
Knocking some poor сunт off his motorbike.

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Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

A guy at work said to me, “Have you ever had a тhrееsоме?”
I said, “Yeah, with my wife and a nurse.”
He said, “And your wife was ok about it?”
I said, “She didn’t have a choice, she was in a coma.”

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes

Love: Fancying someone even after having a wаnк.

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Sex Jokes

I was mortified when the bloke cleaning my windows looked in the open window and saw me nакеd, watching роrn and маsтurватing.
Thankfully after about ten seconds of shocked silence the light turned green.

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Sex Jokes

I hate those emails where they try to sell you реnis enhancers.
I got 10 just the other day.
Eight of them from my girlfriend.
But it”s the two from my mum that really hurt….

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Sex Jokes

Dear Ghost that lives in my house, if you really want to scare me, try opening my bedroom door when I’m having a wank

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Sex Jokes

Anant came home with tears in his eyes.
"What's wrong with you?" Blonde wife asked Anant. "Remember when your father caught us having sеx when you were sixteen?", he replied. "And remember he said I had two choices; I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison." Baffled, Blonde wife said,
"Yes, I remember, so what?"
"
I would have been released today.

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally nакеd. Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m waiting for my husband to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law said. “I am wearing my love dress.”
“Love dress? But you’re nакеd!” said the mother-in-law.
“My husband loves me to wear this dress,” she explained. “It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of me.”
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
What are you doing?” he asked.
This is my love dress” she whispered, sensually.
“Needs ironing,” he said.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”
The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics”
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sеx!”
The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.”

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Math Jokes