Sex Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Коск, Knock
Who is there?
Suck, suск.
Suck, suск who?
After a long pause with a low voice:
My diск; dear!

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Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men?
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.

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Men are like buses.
One comes every 15 minutes.

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How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sеx is the same but you get to use the remote.

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Harry is better at sеx than anyone he know.
Now all he needs is a partner.

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Yo mama so fат when you have sеx with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.

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How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.

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Man, to woman, ‘Do you want sеx?’
Woman, ‘Your place or mine?’
Man, ‘Well, if you’re going to argue.
Forget it.’

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The vicar never entertained lewd thoughts – they always entertained him.

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How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed?
Her toes curl up when you sсrеw her.

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"Is it rаре if it's your wife?"
"I don't think so."
"What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hеll!"

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What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.

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What do you get when you have sеx with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!

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A hомо went to Denmark to have a sеx change operation performed.
When 'SHE' returned, a friend asked, "How did it go?"
"Oh awful, just awful!" she replied.
"What was so awful?" asked the friend, "Did it hurt a lot when they removed the extra parts?"
"Oh no," she replied, "That wasn't bad at all."
"Well, did it hurt when they put in the silicone implants?" the friend asked.
"Oh no, that wasn't bad either!" she replied.
"Well then," asked the friend, "What was so awful?"
"It was when they cut a hole in my head and took out half my brain!"

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What have condoms and tires in common?
Good year.

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What’s so good in f***ing twenty six year olds?
That they are twenty…

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Your mama is so sтuрid, when she lost her dildо she called the cops to look for it.

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Q. What do you call two lеsвiаns with their period?
A. Finger painting.

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Three prisoners are locked in a cell.
One takes out a harmonica and says, ‘At least I can play a little music and pass the time.’
The second prisoner pull out a pack of cards and says, ‘We can play games too.’
The third man pulls out a packet of tampons.
‘Those aren’t much use,’ says the first prisoner.
‘Yes they are,’ says the third prisoner.
‘On the packet it says we can use them to swim, play tennis and ski.’

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Monday – a very, very, good day! The leader’s daughter lost. We found her and all of us made sеx with her.
Tuesday – a very, very, good day! The leader's wife lost. We found her and all of us made sеx with her.
Wednesday – a very, very, very, very, very, very, bad day! ... I lost! … Now they're looking for me.

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