Sex Jokes - Page 41

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sеx. Can you explain it to me first?"
"Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

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An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon.
They were in bed getting ready to have sеx for the first time and the old woman said, "I should tell you I have acute angina."
The old man says, "I hope so. You sure don't have cute тiтs."

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Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for аss holes.

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Little Johnny took sеx ed and every day when little Johnny would come in from school he'll tell his dad for learning sеx ed well one day we'll just come in and he said that I got thrown out sеx ed Lil Johnny's daddy says how do you get thrown out sеx ed Little Johnny said well Dad I got in trouble for eating during class.

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Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A:Santa stops after three hos.

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Alex was a sports fаn whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.
One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV.
"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?"
"I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV," she replied.
"You haven’t touched me in months.
We’re going to talk about sеx right now!"
"OK, OK.
So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"

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Sports Jokes Sex Jokes

When two men have sеx what position are they going to be in?
But what about when two dogs have sеx?
That means that the two men are having sеx doggy style then what ways are the dogs having sеx?
That means that the dogs are having an affair with the men to have sеx doggy style.

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Apparently 98% of black people enjoy sеx in the shower.
The other 2% have never been to prison.

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Well, you know what they say: unlucky in love, get the clap.

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Sex Jokes

Man to vicar: ‘Do you approve of sеx before marriage?’
Vicar: ‘Not if it delays the service.’

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Two old men hobble into the pub.
One says, ‘I’ve heard Guinness puts lead in your pencil. Shall we try some?’
‘All right,’ says the other.
‘But, to be honest, I’ve got nobody to write to.’

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How are women and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

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Yo' Mama is so fат, after sеx, she smokes a turkey.

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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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A man goes to the doctor about the size if his реnis.
He says to the doctor "My реnis is too small."
Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your реnis will grow an inch."
So the man thanks the doctor and leaves.
He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his реnis grew an inch.
Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy.
A thousand apologies, he реnis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long реnis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirтy movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker.
"Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"

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Q:What did the black girl say while having sеx?
A:Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.

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One day Pepito was having a shower with his father when he saw his fathers реnis.
He asked his father what it was and his father replied "this is my racing car".
The next night Pepito heard moaning in his parents room, being curious he peeped in to see what was happening.
He then saw his father on top of his mother, while looking his father saw him and told him to go to his room.
"OK, but I'm not sure you're driving that racing car properly" replied Pepito.

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Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.

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What does a blond man do at 03.00 in the night nакеd at the balcony?
The blond girl told him to come outside

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What do you call men who use the pull out method?
Fathers.

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