Sex Jokes

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Zwischen den Feiertagen Zwischen Weihnachten und Silvester If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays. Ham: Hej, jeg synes du har meget pæne ben, er det i orden jeg kalder dem jul og påske? Hende: Ja? Ham: Hva’ så med at invitere mig på ferie mellem højtiderne? Hey girl, if your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I cum between the holidays?
Thanksgiving Jokes Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes
A man had been married to his wife for twenty years. As time had passed, his sеx life had naturally deteriorated but now it was starting to get him down. No longer could he make his wife оrgаsм.
One day, the man decided to do something about it so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested he add a little romance back into the relationship - a nice meal, candles, mood music and the like. The man was skeptical but, that evening, he gave it a shot. He really pulled out all the stops but, when he came to the bedroom, there was again no action from the wife.
He went back to see the doctor the next day. The doctor was disappointed the trick hadn’t worked but told the man not to worry. The doctor suggested he try again but this time get a young Adonis-like man to stand beside them and waft them with a towel. At first, the man didn’t like the sound of it, but the doctor persuaded him to give it a go. He found a number for a male еsсоrт agency and arranged for their top man to come around that evening. All was going to plan but, when they came down to business, there was still no climaxing, no matter how much the young man waved the towel. Now, as you can imagine, this was starting to rile the man no end. He stormed back to the doctor. The doctor was obviously mortified that it hadn’t worked so he suggested the man repeat the trick but perhaps this time he swaps roles with the еsсоrт. The man was at his wit’s end so gave it one last try.
That evening, the man cooked his wife a fantastic meal. Shortly after they had finished, the еsсоrт arrived and they headed up to the bedroom. The man took up his position with the towel while his wife and the еsсоrт got down to business. Sure enough, within minutes his wife was groaning and writhing with ecstasy. The man was clearly satisfied with his work, so he lent over and whispered in the еsсоrт’s ear, “You see mate, that’s how you wave a fсuкing towel!”
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After three or four days of research, a casual perusal of the ancient texts, an afternoon fishing off the dock with a student doing a Master’s thesis on etymology, various hunters and plumbers and carpenters, we can present a reasonably good translation of men’s English into understandable English: ……
…….
Men’s English: ……
……….
I’m hungry = I’m hungry ……..
I’m tired = I’m tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sеx with you after a movie.
Can I take you out for dinner? = I’d like to have sеx with you after dinner.
Can I call you sometime? = Eventually I would like to have sеx with you.
May I have this dance? = Eventually I would like to have sеx with you.
Nice dress = Nice rack, nice cleavage
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fоndlе you.
What’s wrong? = I guess sеx tonight is out of the question.
I’m bored = Do you want to have sеx tonight?
I love you = There I said it, Let’s have sеx now.
I love you too = Now we have to have sеx!
Let’s talk = I am trying to prove to you that I am a deep person and maybe then you’ll have sеx with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sеx with other guys.
Sex Jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes School Jokes
This is a story about the girl that didn't know what cursing was. It was Thanksgiving evening and the young girl was sleeping in her bedroom and she heard her parents having sеx in the next bedroom over. She hears the dad say, "oh honey I love your luscious тiтs" and she hears the mom say, "oh baby I love your slim diск". So the next morning, the daughter walks up to the dad and says, "Hey dad, what are luscious тiтs?" the dad panics and says, "It's a fine coat". She then walks up to the mom and says, "Hey mom, what's a slim diск?". The mom panics and says, "It's a pair of boots". Later on that day, everybody's getting ready for the Holiday. The girl walks past the bathroom and sees her dad shaving. He cuts himself on the cheek and shouts, "Shiт!". The daughter then asks,"What does shiт mean" and the dad replies, "I'm shaving right now sweety". The girl walks into the kitchen and sees her mom trying to cook the turkey. The mom accidentally drops the turkey and shouts, "Fuск". The daughter then asks, "hey mom, what does fuск mean" and the mom replies, "I'm cooking the turkey sweety". About an hour later friends and family arrive at the door. The girl answers the door and says, "Hello everyone hang up your luscious тiтs and drop your slim diскs, my dad is upstairs shiттing and my mom's f*cking the turkey".
Thanksgiving Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Boob Jokes
Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Friendship Jokes
Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women, he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.
Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.
One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.
“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.
The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!”
“Сrар,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”
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