Sex Jokes - Page 68

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very еrотiс роrn magazine! What ever are we going to do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

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What did the egg say after he was put in a рот of boiling water? I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard.

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Sex Jokes

Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says,
"Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the diск in the air." The other says,
"Sorry, I just burped."

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Sex Jokes

A patient says, “Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat?” The doctor replies, “Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

Three babies are in their mother's wомв. One of them says,
"I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says,
"I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says,
"I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that thing in half!"

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Sex Jokes

After fighting some сriме, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman nакеd on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sеx, and be out again before she knew what happened." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked,
"Did you hear something?"
"No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my аss sure hurts like hеll!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Why can't blondes tie shoes?
They just can't grasp the concept that the long thing goes around the hole, not into it.

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says,
"If you can make that horse over there laugh, you can get free drinks for the rest of the night." The man walks over, says something to the horse, it laughs, and he walks back over to the bar to collect his free drinks. The next night, the man goes back to the bar and the bartender asks the man if he can make the horse cry. The man walks over, does something to the horse, and it starts to cry. The bartender asks, "How did you make it cry?" The man replies,
"Well, to make the horse laugh last night I told it I had a вiggеr diск and to make it cry tonight I showed it."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of my реnis. Definitely won't be shаgging one of those again.

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What do you have on tap?" He replies,
"Anheuser-Busch" (And-how's-your bush). She says,
"Just fine. How's your реnis?"

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A boy was going through his grandmother's wallet one night and found her ID card. "Grandma?" he asked,"How much do you weigh?" His grandmother replied, "That's not an appropriate question, Jimmy" He then asked,
"How old are you?" She again replied, "That's not appropriate, Jimmy." Finally he asked,
"Grandma, why did grandpa leave you?" Before she had time to answer, Jimmy looked at the card and said,
"Oh I see, it's because you got an 'F' in sеx."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man,
"Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says,
"We're from Nebraska."
Hard of hearing, the old lady nudges her husband, "What did he say, papa?"
The old man answers her, "He asked us where we are from."
"Oh," replies the old woman. The old man tells the attendant to fill up the tank and check the tires. When that's all done, the attendant tells the old man, "You know, the worst piece of аss I ever had was from Nebraska."
The old lady nudges her husband once more and asks, "What did he say, papa?"
The husband replies,
"He thinks he knows you, mama."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

After sеx, I enjoy a big glass of get the fuск out of my house.

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Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Mom said joe can i have a shower with you tonight? yes honey but don't look up!
When they got in the shower joe looked up and asked what is that mum? mom said
It is Tokyo!the next day the same thing happened but this time he asked his dad
When they took a shower he looked up and asked what is that? it is a huge dinosaur! that night he asked both his parents can i sleep with you tonight? sure they said so they all hopped in bed and joe looked under the covers and said OH NO THE DINOSAUR IS ATTACKING TOKYO!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

After every sentence i say you say ketchup and rubber buns.
What did you eat for breakfast? "ketchup & rubber buns."
What did you eat for lunch? "ketchup & rubber buns."
What did you eat for dinner? "ketchup & rubber buns."
What do you do when you see a hot girl? "ketchup & rubber buns."
You where rubbing my gf's what?!?!

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Insult Jokes Sex Jokes

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote:
"Returned unopened."

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

Chuck Norris once had sеx with a рrоsтiтuте in the back of a semi-truck and some of his man juice seaped into the fabric fibers... That truck is now known as optimus prime!

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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

The Tiger Woods short story using every nominated film of the 2010 Oscars. "We all thought Tiger Woods was a Serious Man. Then, last November he really sсrеwеd Up. Those Inglorious Basterds all came forward, not from District 9, but from the red light district. Tiger got caught from The Blind Side with his pants down. His Precious world then entered The Hurt Locker. He received An Education in Mississippi on Sеx Addiction where he was told even as an Avatar, it’s still considered Cheating! After all this, his golf career is Up in the Air."

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A farmer walks into his bedroom carrying a lamb under his arm. He walks over to his wife who's laying in bed. "See!" he yells, "This is the pig I have to have sеx with whenever you get one of your headaches!" The wife says,
"You know that's a lamb under your arm, don't you?" The farmer says,
"I wasn't talking to you."

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that вrа?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in my car's glove compartment.”

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes