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Sick and Death Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Walking down the street, a man hears a voice:
"Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and кill you."
The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him.
The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk.
The voice shouted, "Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die."
The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "Where the hеll were you when I got married last week?"

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

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Aviation Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Pilot Jokes

When Chuck Norris talks, E.F. Hutton listens.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris can кill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can кill two stones with one bird.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Phone jokes

The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

When a Jedi dies they become part of the force, when the force dies it becomes part of Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Star Wars Jokes

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a. M. – I’m not really a mourning person.

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Sick and Death Jokes

Jesus won't come back again.
Why?
Because he know you will кill him and see if he will wake up again.

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Christian Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Easter Jokes

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes Sexist Jokes Cyclist Humor

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.
Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the аssаulт.
The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"

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Animal Jokes Money jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Yo mama so sтuрid... she died of starvation in a grocery store.

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Sick and Death Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Stupid Jokes

Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
Because deep down they are really good people.

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Sick and Death Jokes Lawyer Jokes

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?"
After quickly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".
The doctor replies, "We'll, I'm not sure how to put this, and I'm sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair".
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. "Doctor, if that's the bad news, what's the good news".
The doctor replies, "He's dead".

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News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

My dad died on 9-11.
He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

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Dark Humor Jokes Dad Jokes Terrorist jokes Sick and Death Jokes

What do you call a old snowman?
Water.

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Jewish Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".

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Animal Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris cleans up сriме... with a mop and bucket... full of people's blood.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to кill someone with a penny.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris isn't just a name, it's a cause of death.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes