Sports Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side. Now here are the Rules from the male side. There are our rules:
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1. Chests are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Saturday = Sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If you think you are fат, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
12. if something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Fat Jokes Sexist Jokes
Two high school buddies decided once and for all to prove who was the faster swimmer. They picked a large stream near their old high school, and the first one to swim to the other side would be declared the winner. Harvey, a friend of Bill, the so-called underdog, had a plan.
"For some reason," Harvey explained to Bill's other rooters, "Bill loves jokes, and when he hears or reads good, funny jokes, it gets his adrenaline going, and nothing can stop him."
Harvey then grabs a joke book and hands it to Bill before the whistle blew to start the race. "And they're off!" the whistle blower shouted.
Halfway across, picking the winner was practically a no-brainer. "Bill's going to win!" yelled one.
"He's actually chuckling and giggling, reading that joke book while swimming to the slоре bordering the other side of the stream."
"What's he accomplishing by doing that?"
"He's laughing all the way to the bank!"
Sports Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes
A middle aged man buys himself a brand new convertible sports car and having just picked it up from the showroom decides to take it for a drive. Enjoying the wind in his hair as he takes another bend just kissing the apex he spies in the rear view mirror a policeman on a motorbike. Immediately he puts his foot on the gas and is soon approaching 100 miles an hour, then he comes to his senses and pulls over.
As the policeman approaches the man starts to apologies when the officer says...
“Look its 5:15PM on a sunny Friday afternoon and my shift ends in a few minuets if you can give me an excuse I have not heard before I will let you go.”
He replies “Officer my wife left me for a policeman 6 years ago and when I saw you in my mirror I though you were trying to bring her back to me.”
With this the officer closed his ticket book and waved the man on.
Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
Sports Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes
At the first hole on a golf course, a man tees off and hits a hard drive, but the ball hooks badly and goes off the course entirely. The man figures it's a lost ball, puts another ball down and starts again. He plays nine holes when a policeman comes up to him:
"Sir, did you lose a ball a while back?"
"Yes, I did. Why?"
"Well, sir, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. You see, your ball struck a cyclist, causing him to swerve right into the path of an oncoming bus. The bus hit the cyclist and then rammed head-on into a truck coming from the opposite direction. At the moment the casualties are twenty-one dead and we don't know how many injured."
The man says,
"Oh, this is dreadful!.... I ... I had no idea.... is there anything I can do?"
"Well, sir, the next time you want to hold the club a little more to the right, like this..."
Sports Jokes News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
A guy ends up with an older woman at a bar last. She looked pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all and he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
They drank a couple of beers and she asked if he’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double”?
“What’s that?” the guy asked. “It’s a mother and daughter тhrееsоме.” she said.
As the guy’s mind began to embrace the idea and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, “No, I haven’t.”
They drank a bit more,then she said with a wink, “tonight’s your lucky night.”
They hopped into a taxi and went back to her place.
When they arrived back at her place and they walked into the front door, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs “Mom… you still awake?”
Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Sex Jokes