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Jokes about Women

Newest jokes in this category
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He said, “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
“And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?”
“We use it for sеx.”
The researcher was a little taken aback. He said, “Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sеx. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, would you tell me in what manner you use it for sеx?”
The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door кnов and it keeps the kids out.”
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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes
Little Johnny is on a skateboard is being pulled down the sidewalk by his dog, which he’s holding onto by the tail.
A woman stops him saying, “sonny, couldn’t you hold onto him some other way”?
“Yeah, I could,” says the kid. “I could grab him by the ваlls, but I save that for overtaking!”
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Jokes about Women Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes
A man and woman were having marital problems so they went to see a marriage counsellor.
The counsellor, in an attempt to find some common ground from which to begin his analysis said, “Tell me about anything the two of you have in common.”
The husband spoke up and said, “Well, neither one of us suскs diскs.”
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes
Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed "Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river." suddenly the man became very strong and swam across the river. The next man thought: if it worked for him, it'll work for me. So he knelt down and prayed "Lord give the skills and the strength to cross the river." the man built a canoe and rowed himself across the river. The last man thought: if it worked for both of them, I know it'll work for me. So he also knelt down and prayed “Lord give me the wisdom and knowledge to cross the river." He turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes
Before the wedding I have loved all the women on earth, after the wedding one woman less.
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes
Can anyone in this room explain to me why Tampax needs a website? That's the last place any woman wants to be when she's bleeding.
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes
I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time.
“Can’t you live within your income?” asked the judge.
“No, Your Honor,” she said. “It’s all I can do to live within my credit!”
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Jokes about Women Money jokes
To find a woman, you need time and money. Therefore woman=time×money. "Time is money" so time=money. Therefore woman=(money)². "Money is the root of all problems," money=?problems. Therefore woman=(?problems)² so woman=problems.
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Jokes about Women Money jokes
One day a woman watching the news saw this lady talking about a car driving on the wrong side of the road during rush hour. The woman realized her husband was driving on that same road! She ran to her phone to call him and tell him what she had seen on the news. When she got a hold of him he replied, “yes there are a lot of them on the wrong the wrong side..."
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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes
With so many layers of clothes in the winters, finding a woman’s inner beauty is extremely challenging…
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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes
Police Officer George with his duty partner woman Police Officer Mary along with their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat.
They had been out only a short time when Mary said :
“Dамn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my раnтiеs! It is so uncomfortable without my раnтiеs. We have to go back to the station to get them.”
“We don’t have to go back,” George replied. “Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he’ll go fetch them for you.”
Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.
Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit - and the superintendent’s ваlls in his mouth!
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes
A traffic cop stopped a woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver's license in silence for a moment, he said,
"You know something? This is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I've ever seen. I'm glad to see you aren't one of those vain women who have their photos retouched to remove all the lines in their face."
"Sir," she replied icily, "you are looking at my thumb-print."
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Jokes about Women Police Officer Jokes
The "car way" of telling how far the relationship is:
- - Trying to impress the woman: unlocks and opens the door, waits for her to get inside, closes her door behind her.
- - Dating: the guy unlocks her door and then goes around to his side to get in.
- - Engaged: The man opens his door leans over and unlocks her door and opens it.
- - Married: The man gets in to the driver's seat, unlocks the doors, and says "Aren't you getting in?"
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes
Women color their hair, get воов-jobs, plastic surgery, liposuction, wear heels to increase their height…
Then complain that there’s no real men out there.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Relationship Jokes
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Science jokes Sexist Jokes
The first woman on the Moon…
….
“Houston, we have a problem.” …
…
“What?” …
……
“Never mind.” …
….
“What’s the problem?”…
…
“Nothing.” ….
…
“Please tell us?” ….
…
“You know what the problem is. Quit playing Twenty Questions with me!”
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Jokes about Women Science jokes
I’m all for female priests, finally a group and priests teenage boys can have sеx with willingly.
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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Sex Jokes
Rodeo sеx involves mounting your woman doggy-style and reaching around and taking hold of her вrеаsтs. As you approach оrgаsм, learn forward and whisper into her ear, “Your sister likes this way the best,” then try to stay mounted for eight seconds.
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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes
Just remember, behind every angry woman there is a man with absolutely no fuскing clue about what the hеll he’s done wrong.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes
Speeding along at 60mph, there was a buzz from my mobile on the dashboard.
“Your phone just went,” said my wife.
“It’s only a text,” I replied. “I’ll check it when we get there.”
She picked up the phone, and looked at it suspiciously. Then she tapped the screen, scrolled down and started reading. “I thought so,” she sneered. “It’s yet another сrар joke from Dave about women being bad drivers.”
“Watch the f**king road,” I snapped. “You just went straight through a red light.”
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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes
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