Women - Page 148

The court was listening to the testimony of the wife who sought a divorce.
"Tell me explicitly," the judge directed the woman, "what fault you have found with your husband."
The wife was explicit:
"He's a liar, a brute, a thief and a brainless fool!"
"Тuт, тuт!" the judge remonstrated. "I suspect you would find difficulty in proving your assertions."
"Prove it!" was the retort. "Why everybody knows it."
"If you knew it," his honor demanded sarcastically, "why did you marry him?"
"I didn't know it before I married him."
The husband interrupted angrily:
"Yes she did too," he shouted. "She did so!"

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A man was shopping in the men’s department at Harrods when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter.
He went up to her and said, “Good morning, madam.”
She smiled pleasantly and asked “And what would you like?”
The man said, “I’d like to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down your bottom and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs, up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet рussy, I’d like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with my teeth and then suск on your beautiful вrеаsтs and bite your niррlеs lightly…But what I ”need” is a new tie!”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Masturbation jokes

This is what I realized about women: women don't want a nice guy right away. See, I am a nice guy. I'm like ready-made cookies. I'm Flips 'Ahoy -- out of the box, ready to date.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

I read with some dismay that the population of Earth is due to hit the 8 billion mark this week.
That means there are 4 billion women out there, and I still can’t find one of the вiтсhеs who’s willing to let me shаg them.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

If a woman gave in very fast it's not because of the man but the men that came before him.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Reverend John Phlapps is walking home one evening when he comes across a female member of his congregation, she is staggering drunк.
He tries to assist her but falls and lands on top of her.
“Oi you can’t do that in the middle of the street” yells a copper.
The Rev says “But you don’t understand I’m Pastor Phlapps”
The copper replies “Oh well if you’re in that far you may as well finish

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Jokes about Women Masturbation jokes

Everybody’s confused about how the wrong woman got crowned Miss Universe.
I’m still confused about how a man won Woman of the Year.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

Last night I came out of a nightclub and was approached by a Thai woman.
She gave me a cheeky wink and said, “Вlоwjов, $20?”
I said, “Yeah, alright,” and lead her into the alley.
I soon realised my mistake when she handed me two $10 bills and started pulling up her skirt.

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Jokes about Women Masturbation jokes

Marriage is clearly an institution that favors men. It's a statistical fact that, on average, women who never get married live longer than women who do, but men who never get married don't live as long as men who do. That's why we buy women the engagement ring. It's a form of compensation:
'Here, this is for the life that I'm about to suск out of you.'

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A man went on a dating website, hoping to find a wife. In his profile description he wrote, "Looking for a woman that is smart, pretty, funny, a good cook, organized at home, and has a BASS BOAT!"
He then paused, gave it some more thought, and added, "To be considered, please include picture of the boat."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A huge muscular man with a tiny head walks into a bar, and everyone stares at him becuase there impressed by his muscular physique, but there also shocked with his tiny head in contrast to his huge body. So the man walks up to order a drink and the bartender says" im not gаy or anything, but I'm impressed by your physique it's amazing, but why do you have such a little head". The man replies by saying " well it's a bit of a story, but one day I was walking in the woods until I encountered a talking frog, and the frog said " if you kiss me I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes". Then suddenly that frog turned into a beautiful nакеd women who then said" you now have 3 wishes, what do you wish for", I then said " I wish I had Arnold Schwarzeneggers body". Then my clothes rip from the huge body transformation, and I Had Arnold Schwarzenegger physique. The lady then said " what is your second wish", I said " I wish to have sеx with you". We start engaging in sеx, and in the middle of enjoyment the beautiful women whispers to me" you have one more wish" I then said " how a about a little head"?

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

I whistled at some girls today and, almost immediately, they approached me and we started chatting.
I love refereeing female football matches.

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

I approached a gorgeous woman outside the pub last night:
“Is it true that chicks dig scars?”
“Not me,” she said. “I can’t stand them.”
“Good,” I said, pulling out my knife. “Then I’m sure you’ll do what you’re told…”

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

The best way to get over one woman is to get under another...

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

We all know that men and women think differently. I know when I'm having sеx with a woman, she's thinking about love and marriage and romance, and I'm thinking, 'A hundred bucks? I can't afford this.'

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

A woman was telling her boyfriend that she always dreamed that she would walk down the aisle with him.
So the very next day he took her to the supermarket.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

Hard to take women with false eyelashes seriously. It's like watching two tarantulas scream for attention.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

A new viвrатоr has just been invented that is so real that just before a woman reaches оrgаsм, it сuмs,coughs, farts, then goes limp and finally switches itself off..

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

When a woman asks for your opinion, she doesn't really want your opinion. She wants to hear her opinion, in a deeper voice.

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Jokes about Women

A blind woman told me I had a big реnis yesterday. I think she was pulling my leg.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes