Women - Page 149

I work with some women who are really skinny -- really really skinny. They have this thing called 'salad time.' There's a leader. 'Salad time,' she'll say to the other ones, and they all get up and walk with her. They go get salads and bring them back and then discuss who's healthiest. They're like... 'Crunchy Chinese noodles -- what a fun, crunchy treat.' Sсrеw you both. Doritos are a fun, crunchy treat.

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There's a woman in front of me -- she's a little bit big. And I don't want to make fun of people's weight because we all have good years and our bad years. And she, apparently, had many bad years in a row, because she put that little rubber mat under her аss, it looked like a dish sponge.

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

Guy moves in with the woman: you just mess up her place and рiss her off for six months. And she walks around going, 'How can one person leave every pair of dirтy underwear all over the floor?' Because women don't know what the floor is for. Women think the floor is a way to get from this room to that room. Men realize the floor is actually a low, flat shelf.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Two eggs were boiling in a pan. The female egg said to the male egg, “Ooh, look, I’ve got a сrаск.”
The male egg replied, “Calm down, I’m not hard yet.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

An engineering student was walking across campus with a shiny new mountain bike when he was approached by a friend, also an engineering student. The friend said, “Hey, where’d you get the great looking bike?”
The first engineer replied, “Well, i was walking across campus the other day. This beautiful woman rode up to me on her bike, ripped off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and said ‘Take anything you want!!!'”
The second engineer replied, “Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit anyway!”

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes Stupid Jokes

A tactical wife is one who makes sure she spends so much on herself that her husband can't afford another woman.

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Jokes about Women

The lady who started the Grumpy Cat on facebook is now a millionaire.
Just another example of a woman using her рussy for profit.

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Jokes about Women Facebook Jokes Internet Jokes

An unmarried woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for nine months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby.
Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then he sits down to answer her questions. “I’m so happy to see you recovering”, he says. The woman responds, “Thank you doctor, but what about my baby? Is everything all right?” He replies, “Yes, despite your injury, we were able to perform a fairly normal delivery procedure.”
“In fact,” he goes on, “you’ve given birth to twins - a boy and a girl.”
The woman is very happy and asks when she can see her new babies. The doctor replies, “Right away, but we’ve already sent the infants home with your brother. We’ll call and tell him you’re okay. While you were unconscious, your brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the babies names.”
At this point, the woman gets upset, “Doctor, my brother is an idiот! What name did he give my little girl?” The doctor answered that her name was Denise. “Oh, Denise, that’s not so bad. What name did he give my boy?” The doctor answered, “Denephew”.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

What is the difference between a European colonist and a tornado?
Tornadoes can't rаре women

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes

If you're a woman and you get вrеаsт reduction, you need to donate those воовs. There are flat women out there, right now, who actually have to think of clever things to say in conversation.

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Jokes about Women Insult Jokes

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
"To кill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to кill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

I like my women how I like my light bulbs…
…
Not too bright, easy to turn on and hanging from electrical wire in my basement.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

Behind every strong, self-sufficient woman is the man that she needs to open jars, get things off of high shelves and кill spiders.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Just replied to an ad offering me hot sеx with an older woman.
Should be interesting. I am 86.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Internet Jokes

If a young girl asks you if you like kids, she is curious. Older woman asks you if you like kids, you know what that really means? She has some kids!

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes

A shy man was feeling a little lucky and decided to ask the subdued provocative Librarian about seduction as he tended to be oblique in his intentions.
“Do you have any books on women seducing men?"
The Librarian answered without hesitation " Why yes" she murmured.
Most likely found in the " Fantasy section"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

Women have been fighting for their rights for years. They want to be able to do stuff that men do. So why do they still want me to hold the door open for them?

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, “Can I have a muse trap, please? And will you be quick - I’ve a bus to catch.”
“Sorry, ma’am,” said the assistant, “we don’t sell ‘em that big!”

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Jokes about Women

Grandmother and granddaughter were in the bank when three bank robbers walked in and held it up.
“All the women down on the floor,” one handsome robber commanded.
“My grandmother too?” the little girl asked.
“Yes, your grandmother too!”
“All the women on the floor, pull up your dresses.”
“My grandmother too?”
“Yes, your grandmother too! All women will now remove their раnтiеs.”
“Surely you don’t mean my grandmother too?” asked the little girl.
Becoming angry, the handsome robber shouted, “YES, YOUR GRANDMOTHER TOO! Now, all the women on the floor are to spread their legs apart.”
When the little girl started to ask if her grandmother was included, her grandmother snarled, “YOU HEARD WHAT THE MAN SAID!”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his реnis in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to… to… cut it off are you?!” The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire”.

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Jokes about Women