Women - Page 161

What does snowman have and snow women doesn't, snowballs.

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Jokes about Women

Finally I got laid on top of a how woman, I was on the upper berth and she on the lower one.

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Jokes about Women Attitude Jokes

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A $100 bill Of coarse!

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

Apparently, the average woman spends about 416hrs of her life searching through purses looking for their keys.
Well if that’s the case, how come it only takes them seconds to find their pepper spray?
I know that from experience.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

Q. Why do deaf women wear tight jeans?
A. So you can read their lips.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

I knocked on my neighbour’s door.
I said, “Your cat sat on the bonnet of my car and left scratch marks all over it.”
“I can only apologise!” said the woman, “He won’t do it again.”
I said, “Of course not, he’s dead.”

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

Had a really fun night out last night, there’s nothing better than manslaughter. I also enjoy hearing women laugh as well.

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Jokes about Women

"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

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Jokes about Women

The reason old men use Viаgrа is not because they're impotent. It's because old women are so very ugly.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

I came across a corpse of a young woman this morning.
I’m going to have to be real careful or I’m going to get the sack from the Funeral Directors
==

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Jokes about Women Sick and Death Jokes

One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.
The man said:
- ” I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime"
The genie frowned" I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking,” he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"
The man thought for a while and then said,
"Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy".
The genie was silent for a minute, then said "So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

“It’s been proven that 9 out of 10 single women who sit at home and have conversations with their cats are mentally disturbed.”
My dog’s full of useful information like that.

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Jokes about Women Single People Jokes Stupid Jokes

I just read about this study that says that, apparently, when women go on dates, they decide if they're going to sleep with the guy or not in the first 12 seconds. Seems wrong to me, you know. How are these women getting drunк so fast?

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered….. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery… When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her рuвiс hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . .. .’Keep off the grass.’
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said ‘Sorry . . had to mow the lawn!!

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation.
“Brothers, sisters,” he said solemnly, “it has come to my attention that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in our fair town. To be specific, it is being said that there is not one virgin left here. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise.”
Not a woman stirred.
The priest said, “I understand the modesty that would make a young lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly, but it is necessary to do so. Young women, I conjure those to rise who are truly virgins.”
And still not a woman stirred.
Wrath now moved the priest. “Will you, for the fear of experiencing a small shame, incur a great one? This is an order from the Almighty: Let all virgins stand!”
And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in the rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully.
The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then said, “Young woman, I’m asking the virgins to stand.”
And the young lady answered indignantly, “Well, father, do you expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself…?”

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes

A woman visited a modern-art gallery. One painting was bright blue with vivid orange swirls and the one hanging next to it was black with lime-green splotches.
The artist stood nearby, so as politely as she could, the woman said to him, "I'm sorry, but I just don't understand you paintings."
"I paint what I feel inside me," the artist replied.
"I see," the woman replied innocently. "Have you tried Alka-Seltzer?"

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Jokes about Women Old People Jokes

I went into Hallmark cards today. I said to the woman behind the counter, “Do you sell bereavement cards?”
She said, “Yes, sir.”
So I said, “Could I exchange one for this get well soon card I bought yesterday?”

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Jokes about Women Sick and Death Jokes

A woman arrives at the and meets Sаinт Peter. She says,
"I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here."
Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?"
She answers, "Smith."
Saint Peter replies,
"I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "His name is John Smith."
Saint Peter says,
"I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She answers, "He's got red hair."
Saint Peter replies,
"I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!"
Saint Peter says,
"Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!"

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Jokes about Women

A man taking a woman home after their first date asks if he can come inside of a cup of coffee. “Oh, no,” she says, “I never ask a guy in on the first date.”
“Okay,” the man replies, “how about the last date?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

I was just reading that, in the UK, for every quid a bloke makes, a woman gets 70p.
And I’m thinking, “That’s a bit fuскing unfair, blokes are just left with 30p …”

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Jokes about Women Masturbation jokes