Women - Page 160

Top ten reasons hockey is better than women
1. In hockey, everyone likes it rough
2. You only get five minutes for fighting
3. 'Puck' is not a dirтy word
4. You don't have to play in the neutral zone
5. It is possible to score a few times in a night
6. When you 'pull the goalie' nobody get pregnant
7. Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring
8. You can alway get new wood when your stick breaks
9. The zamboni gets to clean up the mess
10. Periods only last 20 minuets
11. You can share and rate this kickass

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A scottish woman walks into her bedroom and finds her husband wanking into his wellie. ‘Hamish’ she shouts ‘you dirтy basted, stop fuскing aboot!

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Jokes about Women

Man sitting on a towel on a beach. He had no arms or legs. Three lovely looking women walk past him. They feel really sorry for this guy. First women said have you ever had a hug? He says no, so she gives him a big hug. Second women said have you ever had a kiss? He says no, so she gives him a big wet kiss. Third women said have you ever been fuскеd? He said no. She said you will be now the tides coming in.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Disability Jokes

Got sacked from my job at the card shop today. A woman came in and said, “I bought this ‘Get Well Soon’ card for a colleague, but he’s turned out to have a terminal illness.”
Apparently, I should have offered her a refund rather than to exchange it for a ‘Sorry You’re Leaving Us’ card.

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Jokes about Women Sick and Death Jokes

Since going to the local gym and building up some muscle, I’ve managed to sleep with some of the most beautiful women there, and I think I can put it down to my form.
Chloroform.

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Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

At the movie theater, a young man returning to his seat taps the arm of a woman in the last seat in the row. “Excuse me,” he says, “but did I step on your toe on the way out?” “As a matter of fact, you did,” says the woman, expecting an apology.
“Oh good,” says the man, “then this is my row.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can on to the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved it's paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. Every 50 ft or so the bunny would stop, look back, and wave. The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can. He ran over to the woman and demanded, "What was in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:
"'Hair spray restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

2 women sitting at a table quietly.

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Jokes about Women

Heather: I noticed by this article that men become bald much more than women because of the intense activity of their brains.
John: Yes, and I notice that women do not grow beards because of the intense activity of their chins!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

One Sunday night, the preacher asked for testimonies and prayer requests.
One woman stood up and said, “Sister and Brothers, please pray for me.
This has been a very trying week.
That old devil has done everything in his power to make me miserable.
Pray that I will have the fortitude to persevere.”
As she sat down, her husband stood up and said, “Brothers and Sisters, I want you to know, she ain’t the easiest woman to get along with neither.”

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes

A woman puts on a dress two sizes smaller than her large frame and thinking that she looked good she turned to her brother and asked,
"How do I look in this dress?"
He said,
"Not too bad."
Smiling ever so sweetly, she then started to prance. Realizing his mistake, the brother then said,
"I said you don't look TOO bad, that doesn't mean that you don't still look bad."

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Jokes about Women

I got really excited yesterday. This woman I was dating called me and said, “Come over, there’s no one home.”
So I went over. There was no one home.

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Jokes about Women Dating Jokes

A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while, a beggar came up to her and said,
"Hello, luv, how's about us going for a walk together?"
"How dare you," retorted the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!"
Well then," said the тrамр, "what are you doing in my bed?"

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Jokes about Women

If the ККК think white people are so great why do they dress like Muslim Women?

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Jokes about Women Political Jokes

Go to the animal centre for a dog, and you’re a sаinт.
Go to the woman’s shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind!

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

Woman with вrеаsт implants = Cheap and fake
Woman with вrеаsт implants that has a squeaky toy inside = Genius

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Jokes about Women

I’ve been playing poker on Facebook.
So far I’ve poked 113 women, but not a one of them have poked me back.

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Jokes about Women Facebook Jokes Internet Jokes

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes :
“Use more soap on раnтiеs!”
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
“Use more soap on раnтiеs!”
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him:
“I USE PLENTY SOAP ON РАNТIЕS!!!USE MORE PAPER ON YOUR Аrsе!!”

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Jokes about Women Sarcasm Jokes

Can’t believe how sexist my local gym is. They cancelled my membership because they said apparently “men aren’t allowed in the female shower rooms”.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Fitness jokes

Here's a quiz for you!
A man drops a brick from a plane which had 500 bricks. How many are left?
If you got 500, you're correct.
How do you put an elephant in a large fridge? There are 3 steps.
If you got these steps, then you are correct:
1. Open the door
2. Put the elephant in the fridge
3. Close the door
Now, how do you put a ZEBRA in a fridge?
If you got these steps, then you are correct:
1. Open the door
2. Take out the elephant
3. Put the zebra in
4. Close the door
All species of animal (except humans) were at a gathering. However, one species had a missing animal. What was it?
The correct answer is zebra, because it's in the fridge!
A woman needs to cross a river to get to her house. A sign next to the river reads, "DANGER: Alligators! Use boat with caution." The woman swims across the river, and doesn't get injured. Why?
The answer is that the alligators were at the gathering.
After the woman gets on the other side, she dies. Why?
The answer is that the brick from the plane fell on her head.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes