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Jokes about Women

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A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says.
"He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard.
A woman fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returned to the bar.
The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth.
How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled.
"Why?
What happened?
He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"
The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Baby Jokes Black People Jokes
A guy buys his first motorcycle.
The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting.
A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house.
Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break.
After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up.
He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family.
No one says a word.
Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sеx with her.
Silence.
Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sеx with her on the table.
Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance.
The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket.
"OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes Weather jokes
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her аss as she walks by.
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers:
"Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says:
"An English girl!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks:
"So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you," replies the wife.
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?"
"I asked for, the English girl?"
"Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!"
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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Aviation Jokes
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
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Тихият мъж е мъж, който мисли. Тихий мужчина — ДУМАЮЩИЙ мужчина. Тихая женщина — уже что-то ПРИДУМАЛА. Тихий чоловік — думає. Тиха жінка — вже щось придумала. “A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.” - Okänd
Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes
Doctor to woman:
"What is the matter about your husband?"
Woman:
"He is worrying about MONEY."
Doctor:
"I think I can relieve him of that."
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Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes
A male driver gets stopped by police, and is asked:
"Have you been drinking?"
The man replies:
"Okay, yes, I have... how did you know officer? Was I swerving across the road, or speeding?"
"No sir," replied the policeman, "...nothing else can explain that fат ugly woman sitting next to you."
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Fat Jokes
On a crowded bus, an old lady noticed that a man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" she asked.
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."
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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Jokes about Women
Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to liск a bathroom clean?
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes
Q: Why do some women look at blank paper?
A: They like to read their rights.
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
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Jokes about Women Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes Dirty jokes
Chuck Norris can make love to a girl so hard and fast it inspired a reality tv series.
We know it as Forged in the fire.
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Jokes about Women Chuck Norris Jokes Sex Jokes
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating тамроn.
That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes
Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes
A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous.
When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense.
"Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?"
The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes.
So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch.
"Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."
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Gynecology Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes
The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."
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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes Fishing Jokes Love Jokes
Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local sтriр club for his birthday.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him.
The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Birthday Jokes
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.
The Lamaze class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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Men jokes Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Golf jokes School Jokes
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