Office and Work Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the team rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced, yesterday, its name changes and schedules for the '99 season:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day. Other key games include the Dallas Western-Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.
In Week 2, there are several key matchups, highlighted by the showdown between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People. The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey.
The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden. The Cincinnati Large Bangladeshi Carnivorous Mammals will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters later in Week 9. And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Large Mountain Mammals.
Week 9 also features the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.
Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Nationality Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes
In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8′ x 10′ cell.
At work, I spend most of my time in a 6′ x 8′ cubicle.
In prison they get three meals a day.
At work I only get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work I get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work I must wear an ID badge at all times.
In prison they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn on to the clothes.
At work there is a dress standard, but I must buy my own clothes.
In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
At work I must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors myself.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for me.
In prison they can watch TV and play games.
At work I can get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they will pay my way through school to learn a new career and give me time to do it.
At work they will pay for my education, but I must do it on my own time.
In prison they have exercise rooms that they allow you to use almost whenever you want.
At work we have an exercise room that you can use but it must be on your time.
In prison I can fall asleep on the job and no serious consequences comes from my action.
At work if I fall asleep on the job I get put on the next bullet list.
In prison they ball and chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball and chained.
In prison you have full free medical coverage .
At work you get partial coverage and your BUPA payments are deducted
In prison all expenses are paid by the tax payer,
At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then deduct the taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.
Office and Work Jokes School Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes
Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a раnsy.
If you work too hard, there’s never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing вuм.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, its sеxuаl harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.
If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re an insensitive ваsтаrd.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s dомinатiоn. If SHE asks you, it’s a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and sеxy underwear, you’re a pervert. If you don’t, you’re gаy.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist. If you don’t, you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. If you don’t, you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re full of yourself. If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she’s tired. If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you’re oversexed. If you don’t, there must be someone else.
Why do men die first?
Because they want to!
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes
A lady selling women’s cosmetics starts her day bright and early. She comes to a home at 7 a. M. and knocks on the door. A man answers the door wearing just boxer shorts. The sales lady asks, “Can I speak to the woman in the house? I have some cosmetics that she may be interested in purchasing.”
The man responds, “My wife is at work now and won’t return until about noon.”
“That’s OK”, the lady says, “I will be back at about 12:30 to see her then.”
The man then says, “You won’t be able to see her then either. We will be busy when she gets home and she has to get ready to go to her other job.”
“Oh…, OK, ah, well… then I will come back at around 5 p. M. and catch her then” says the sales lady.
“Well, you won’t be able to talk to her then either. We are going to be busy again when she gets home. She then has to get ready to go to work for another employer and won’t be back until late this evening.”
The sales lady is taken back and is compelled to ask, “Don’t YOU have a job”?
The guy answers simply, “No, I don’t have a job. I don’t work at all.”
The sales lady becomes somewhat repulsed by this guy. She says, “Do you mean to tell me that your wife works three jobs, while you just sit around at home all day long?”
The guy says, “That’s correct.”
The sales lady can’t help but get angry. She then tells the guy, “You know what, buddy, you disgust me! Guys like you ought to be hung”!
The man then simply states, “I am.”
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth surgeon chimes in:
“You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
“You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no ваlls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the аrsе are interchangeable.
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Office and Work Jokes Political Jokes