Office and Work Jokes

Most popular in this category
Drunks
Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their вееr. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail. His buddy says,
"What are we going to do?" The driver says,
"Don't worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our вееr bottles and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let me do the talking." They pull over and the cop walks up to the car. He looks at them kind of funny, but asks to see the guy's driver's license. And he asks him, "Have you been drinking?"
"Oh, no, sir," the driver replies. "I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you *sure* you haven't been drinking?" the cop asks. "Oh, no, sir," the drunк answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight."
"Well, I've got to ask you," says the cop, "What on earth are those things on your forehead?"
"That's easy, Officer," says the drunк. "You see, we're both alcoholics, and we're on the patch."
Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a вееr. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Norks Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs and says,
"You smell kind of norky. What do you do for a living?" The truck driver says,
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling." The bartender says,
"Okay, truck drivers are not norks," and serves him a вееr. As he is sipping his вееr, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?" The bartender said,
"Not to worry, the norks are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his вееr, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the norkiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said,
"What's wrong? I thought norks were in season."
"Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
Office and Work Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Science jokes
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just fсuк off and leave me alone.
2. No one is listening until you fаrт.
3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
4. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
5. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have the fсuкеr’s shoes.
6. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink вееr all day.
7. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
8. Don’t worry; its only кinкy the first time.
9. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
10. We are born nакеd, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our аssеs-after that, things just get fсuкing worse.
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes
There is a job in the newspaper that say its requirements are: Bilingual, mathematical and good with computers.
So one day a dog walks in to the office of the place that is offering with a note in his mouth saying he can do all the things asked and he drops this note on the desk of the receptionist.
The receptionist is astounded by this and calls the manager immediately. The manager comes down and says “alright then you’ll have to prove your claim”
Then he says “ok firstly you have to be good with computers.” The dog then runs to the computer behind the desk and types up his CV.
Then the manager says “Very good. But you’ve got to be mathematical and we’ve got a test to see about that. You’ve got and hour to complete it.” The manager then puts the test in the dogs mouth and the dog wanders off.
The dog comes back an hour later and gives the test to the manager. The manager quickly marks I and says “Exceptional 100%. But you’ve also got to be Bilingual” the dog then replies “Meow”
Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Math Jokes
Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Military Jokes