Office and Work Jokes

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A man walks into a bar, late one night completely worn out and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies. … …
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“What’s wrong with you?” The barman says. …
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“In my car I’ve got a nymphomaniac - you couldn’t satisfy her if you were there ’til Christmas,” he replies. …
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“We’ll see about that,” says the barman and goes out to the parking lot. …
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He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his flashlight in. The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to the policeman. “It’s all right officer, I’m just shаgging the wife,” he says.
“Oh, I’m sorry sir, I didn’t know it was your wife” replies the cop.
The barman replies -“Neither did I ’til you shone your flashlight!”
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Christmas Jokes Police Officer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
Office and Work Jokes School Jokes
Definitions...
Marriage:
It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Lecture:
An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either.
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic:
A book which people praise, but never read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight!
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom bomb:
An invention to bring an end to all inventions.
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hеll in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he/she can die rich.
Criminal:
A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and then shakes your confidence later.
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and then kills you by his bills.
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Political Jokes
My wife and I went on vacation to a fishing resort. I liked to fish at the сrаск of dawn. My wife liked to read. One morning I returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although my wife wasn't familiar with the lake, she decided to take the boat and enjoy the beautiful morning on the water. So she took the boat out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside my wife and said, “Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?”
“Reading my book,” my wife replied, “Isn't it obvious?”
“You're in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.
“But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?”
“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.”
“If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rаре,” snapped my irate wife.
“But, I haven't even touched you,” groused the sheriff.
“Yes, that's true,” she replied with a slight smile, “But you do have all the equipment.”
MORAL: Never argue with a redhead.
Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes
What do you call ?
A Sindhi lawyer?
Case-wani
A Sindhi lawyer after a case?
Purse-wani
A blue-skier Sindhi?
Akash-wani
What is a communist Sindhi called?
Lalwani.
What is a Sindhi who falls from the first floor called?
Thadani.
What is a Sindhi who falls from the 17th. floor called?
Kriplani.
What is a Sindhi who falls from the 30th. floor called?
Marjani.
What is the most noteworthy contribution of the Sindhis’ to Hindustani Music? Raga Kirvani.
A God fearing Sindhi?
Bhagwandas Godwani
A Sindhi painter?
Sadarangani A
Sindhi chef?
Papadmull Kukreja
A Sindhi electrician?
Voltram Bijlani A
A fashionable Sindhi?
Jogio Armani
A Sindhi milkman?
Gopal Dudeja
A heroic Sindhi soldier?
Hiroo Sipahimalani
A Sindhi реsт control contractor?
Khatmull Marwani
A Sindhi stripper working in New York?
Barbra Jhangiani
A Sindhi casanova?
Prem Kissinchandani
A Sindhi fire-engine?
Bhambhani
A Sindhi detergent?
Neelam Rindani
A Sindhi postman?
Mailwani
A forgetful Sindhi?
Bulo Bhulchandani
A fashionable Sindhi?
Primlani
A fат Sindhi?
Hathiramani
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A blonde called her new boss to explain there was a problem with her check.
In checking the timesheets the boss noticed that she had not punched in since her first day of orientation. He tried to explain that her check was right since she had only worked the one day for the company.
The blonde went on insisting that her check was short, and that the company apparently had problems with their math in figuring out her check. She asked her boss how many days were in a year.
He said there are 365.
She asked if he knew how many weeks were in a year.
And he replied there are 52.
She went on to say that since there are 52 weeks per year in which she had 2 weekend days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since she was scheduled to work 8 hours a day, she spent 16 hours each day away from work, and that added up 170 days, leaving only 91 days for work.
She went on to explain that during the day she spent in company orientation she learned that the company allowed her 30 minutes each day for her two coffee breaks, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days for work.
Orientation also informed her that she would be given a 1-hour lunch each day, which used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
The company also allowed 2 days per year for sick leave, leaving her only 20 days per year to work.
The company additionally allowed her to be off 5 holidays per year, bringing her available working time down to 15 days.
Then there were the 14 days vacation the company so generously allowed all employees which leaves only 1 day for her to work ... and well, the boss has already conceded that she did time in and out on her orientation day, so would he please get her check corrected. And if it would be easier for the accounting department ... they could go ahead and make it out for her yearly salary, since she had obviously already put in her share of work for that year.
Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Math Jokes
In an office:
Toilet out of order … please use floor below
In a Laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out
In a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs
In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken
In an office:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board
Outside a second-hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness
Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car
Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor
Notice in a farmer’s field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the веll doesn’t work).
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