Work Jokes, Office Jokes

When Columbus discovered America, Chuck Norris has already worked there as Texas ranger.

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Two guys always catch the train to work together; one is French, the other Italian.
Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!"
He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?"
The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day.
The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!"
Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"

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Dirty jokes Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it.
Being curious, they go over and check it out.
When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom.
So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen…
Nothing.
One of them says, "Man, that’s a deep hole!"
Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side.
The pause and listen intently…
They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them!
They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!
The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom.
The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We’d better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!"
So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it.
The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.
"Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?" one of the men asked.
The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?"
The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.
The farmer said, "Well boys, I don’t think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said:
"Zoo or no zoo.
I just gotta see this."

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Parrot jokes

Client:
"The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was a little more orange. Like "blorange."

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Office and Work Jokes Customer service jokes Beauty Jokes

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound’ and another sign that says ‘Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.’ So he asks the man behind the cash register, “how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?” The man replies, “do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?”

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Nurse jokes Lawyer Jokes

Legal Jargon!
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lеsвiаn?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

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A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.
The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carriedthis child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birthprocess, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention.
The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?"
The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to рiss on our hands."

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Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
Job opening!

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News and Politics Jokes Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes

Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work.
I don't understand, Cindy complained.
When people find out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me.
Why would they do that?
Her friend appeared to think for a moment and then suggested, Maybe it just saves time.

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Q: Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
A: Dracula's dentist.

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Dentist Jokes Office and Work Jokes Vampire jokes

The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.
"Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood.
A few actually smirked.
But the patient’s daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women’s brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.

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Father's Day Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Make My Day Laughs Dad Jokes

Advice for office managers: Keep the sеxuаl harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer.
That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her аrsе.

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Sex Jokes Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

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Office and Work Jokes Management Jokes Prison Jokes Boss Jokes

Yo mama so fат that when she works out too long she starts sweating cooking oil.

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Yo Momma Jokes Office and Work Jokes Fat Jokes

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.
She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she said.
"We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young man declared.
"For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."

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Banker Jokes Office and Work Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Wedding jokes

Two men work in a mortuary.
One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today.
She'd been in the water for a week.
Her сliт was like a pickle."
"Ew!" says the other fellow.
"It was green?"
"No, it was sour!"

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

COP: "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."
LADY: "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.”

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Car and driving jokes Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes