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Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in Texas. One day Trevor rides on his bike into town and he sees a building on fire, so he goes back home and tells his brother, "Herman, Herman there is a fire and people are getting burned!"
His brother says "Oh, that was on the radio - that's old news.
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a bank being robbed, so he rides back home and says "Herman, Herman there is bank being robbed and people are getting shot and killed!"
His brother says, "Oh that was on the radio - that's old news."
So Trevor rides back into town and he sees a pig stuck in a fence and starts to thinkin'... Then he rides home and says, "Herman Herman! I had my first sequal experience today!"
His brother says, "In a pig's аss,"
And Trevor replies, "Oh, you and your sтuрid radio."
Men vs Women Jokes Banker Jokes
There was an elderly couple that went to McDonald's.
They ordered one cheeseburger, one large fry, one large drink, and an extra large soda. When the old couple sat down, the man sitting next to them watched the old man cut the burger in half, taking half of the fries and giving his wife half, and pouring the soda in the extra cup he ordered. The man at the next table was confused, so he went over there and told the couple that if they couldn't afford a meal for each of them, he would be happy to pay for it. The old man shook his head and told him that there was no need because he and his wife had shared everything for the last 40 years. The man went back to his seat and then he saw the old man eating while the old woman just sat there doing nothing. He went over to them again and asked the old lady why she wasn't eating. She said, "Well, it's his turn to use the teeth."
Men vs Women Jokes
An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.
The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they''re just fine - they''re just used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn''t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin,
the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat
a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?"
The old woman answers... "THE TEETH."
Ett äldre par går in på Burger King och delar noga en hamburgare med pommes frites på mitten. En lastbilschaufför tycker synd om dem och erbjuder sig att köpa en egen måltid åt damen. - Nej tack,... Ett äldre par går in på MacDonalds och köper en hamburgare att dela på. En lastbilschaufför som ser detta antar att de är fattiga och erbjuder dem att köpa en till damen också. - Nej tack, vi...
Men vs Women Jokes Restaurant Jokes
A man is away on business, at a convention for marvellous machines.
He found a long corridor lined with machines and decided to try a few. The first he came to was called ''The Wonder Cut''. He inserted his money and did as he was told to do by the instructions. He lay back in the chair and after a few minutes the machine stopped and he hopped out of the chair, with the best hair cut he had ever had. Further down the corridor he came to a machine that said, 'For the best shave every insert here'', so he inserted his money in and place his face in the slot. And sure enough his face had the best shave he had ever had. He walked on down the corridor until he came to the last machine. It said ''for the man who has been away from his wife for a long time and is in dire need.. The rest of the words were rubbed of but he got the general idea. He made sure no one was looking and inserted his money, undid his fly and placed his ''thing'' in the hole. The machine rumbled and after a few minutes of extreme pain he withdrew his thing from the hole with a new shiny button neatly sewed on the end.
Men vs Women Jokes Military Jokes
При секс, мъжът може да накара жената да вика в продължение на три часа, като си го избърше в пердето Викање Scream II How can you make a gay man scream twice? Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains. - ¿Perdone señor, esto es para una encuesta, su mujer grita cuando hacen el amor?. El Italiano dice: - Anoche yo le hice masajes a mi mujer en todo el cuerpo con un aceite de oliva finísimo, luego; hicimos el amor apasionados y la hice gritar durante 5 minutos seguidos, sin... Разговаривают два мужика. Один - другому: Savez-vous comment faire crier une femme deux fois de suite en lui faisant l’amour ? Comment faire crier encore une fois une femme après l'amour ? Il suffit d'essuyer son sexe aux rideaux. Στην κουρτίνα... Η γυναίκα σου φωνάζει.... Come si fa a far urlare due volte di seguito una casalinga italiana? Ci si fa l’amore focosamente e poi … ci si asciuga l’uccello sulle tende! Como se deixa uma mulher totalmente louca depois do sexo? É limpar seu pinto na cortina!!! Jak doprowadzić do tego, żeby kobieta po stosunku jeszcze przez godzinę krzyczała ? - Wytrzeć fiuta firanką. Co zrobić żeby kobieta jeszcze długo krzyczała po stosunku? - Wytrzeć ptaszka o firankę. Een vraag voor de mannen: Weten jullie waar zich de baarmoeder bij een vrouw in het lichaam bevindt ? Antwoord: Direct links als je binnenkomt. En weten jullie hoever je de schaamlippen van een... Hoe laat je je vrouw 2 keer hard gillen? Neuk haar eerst in der kont en smeer daarna je lul aan de gordijnen af. Skrig for mig Hvordan for man en kvinde til at skrige to gange? – Først boller man hende i røven og bagefter tørre man den af i hendes gardin Hvordan få kona til å skrike to ganger i løpet av en hyrdestund? - Først tar du henne knallhardt bakfra. Deretter bruker du gardinene til å tørke med...
Men vs Women Jokes Sex Jokes
Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes
Men vs Women Jokes
Една мутра пътува със своя джип. На една блондинка много и се подигравали, че е много глупава и тя решила да си боядиса косата черна. Некој овчар си пасел овци,дошол некој цајкан без униформа и му рекол: Blonde in Disguise There was a typical blonde. She had long, blondehair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all theblonde jokes. One day she decided to get makeover. She cutand dyed her hair brunette and went drivingdown a country road, searching for someonewho would appreciate her for her intelligence. When she came... A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet.... There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the... A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I... One day a blonde woman named Sally finally got tired of everyone assuming she was stupid because of her hair color. She decided to go to the hairdressers and have her hair dyed brown. Feeling quite... Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to... A blonde got tired of everyone treating her like she was dumb so she decided to dye her hair brown. She went out and about in the world to prove that she was smart. She came upon a sheep farmer and... A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she... блондинка решила доказать, что она не дура. для этого она... Gefärbte Blondine beim Schäfer Der Schäfer und der TT Fahrer Eine Blondine, genervt von den ewigen Blondinenwitze, lässt sich die Haare rot färben und fährt aufs Land. Auf dem Weg dorthin trifft sie einen Hirten mit seiner Schafherde. Sie sagt ihm: "Wenn ich herausfinde wieviele Schafe Du hast darf ich eines mitnehmen, alles klar?" Der Hirte: "Ok"... Un touriste en train de faire une randonnée en montagne croise un troupeau de moutons avec son berger. Ils discutent de tout et de rien et sur la proposition du touriste en viennent à faire un... Η ΒΑΜΕΝΗ ΞΑΝΘΙΑ Cansada das brincadeiras sobre sua burrice, a loira resolveu pintar o cabelo de preto. Para comemorar o novo visual, foi dar uma volta de carro pelo campo e la encontrou um pastor de ovelhas. — Bom dia, senhor pastor! Que lindo rebanho o senhor tem! — Obrigado! — Se eu acertar quantas ovelhas há... Do bacy wypasającego owieczki przyjeżdża człowiek w średnim wieku. Po wyjściu z samochodu pyta: - Baco, co tu robicie? Wypasacie owce? - Tak, panocku. - A baco, jak wam powiem ile macie tych... Det var en gång en blondin, som ville prova om det var sant det som folk säger om blondiner. Hon färgade håret kastanjebrunt, och åkte ut på landet, och stannade vid en bondgård. - Nu skall jag... Er was er eens een herder die met zijn schapen langs de kant van de weg liep. Plots dook er een spiksplinternieuwe Cherokee Jeep op, bestuurd door een man in een Hugo Boss hemd, Nike baskets, Rolex... Een dom blondje loopt op de Veluwe en ziet daar een herder met zijn schaapjes lopen. "Oh wat leuk" zegt het domme blondje tegen de herder, "ik wil ook zo'n lief schaapje hebben!" "Nou, zegt de... En blondine blev træt af alle de blondine vittigheder der var, og farvede sit hår sort, og kørte en tur på landet. Hun kom forbi en bondegård, med en mark med får. Hun holdte ind og spurgte... Rigtig blondine? Blondinen er træt af at blive kaldt dum så hun tager en sort paryk på og kører sig en tur i bilen. Hun kommer til et vejkryds hvor der står en hyrde med sine får. Blondinen vil... Sikke et får En blondine ville bevise over for sig selv og for andre, at blondiner var knap så dumme som folk troede, så hun farvde sit hår brunt og drog ud for at bevise. Da hun var kommet godt ud... Blondinen på landet Så var der blondinen der farvede sit hår og kørte en tur på landet. Efter et stykke tid blev hun stoppet af en hel masse får der blokerede vejen. Blondinen fandt frem til... Det var en gang en blondine som var lei av alle blondine-vitsene, og farget derfor håret brunt for å se om hun bli smartere. Litt senere på dagen kjørte hun forbi en bondegård med sauer. Hun sa til... Jede přebarvená blondýnka na kole a potká baču se stádem ovcí. V dobrém rozmaru navrhne: „Když ti povím, kolik máš přesně ovcí, dáš mi jednu?” Bača souhlasí. Exblondýnka mu to řekne, strefí se a...
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