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A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.
The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The ole cowboy produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the cowboy from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and safely parked it.
Two weeks later, the ole cowboy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni From Texas A&M, a highly sophisticated investor and a multi-millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas . What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
The good 'ole Texas boy replied, 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?'
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Four affluent fathers meet up for their yearly golf match with each other. As fathers tend to do, they all start bragging about their children. The first father brags, "my son is a successful real estate agent! He's so successful, he gave a beautiful house to one of his friends for free!"
The second father scoffs. "That's nothing. My son is the most successful car salesman in the state, he recently gave a friend a Jaguar for free!"
The third father rolls his eyes. "Well, my son is a successful businessman. He's so successful, he recently gave a friend a portfolio that's worth millions of dollars!"
The first three fathers notice the fourth father hasn't said anything yet. "What's wrong?" They ask him.
"Well," the fourth father says,
"My son recently came out to us as gаy." The first three fathers begin to offer their condolences before the fourth father cuts them off. "It's actually pretty great. His last three boyfriends have given him a beautiful new home, a brand new Jaguar, and millions of dollars in stocks!"
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An old lady goes into a bank...
Coutt's Bank, to be exact, and asks to open an account. She is told, politely but coolly, that they are a very exclusive bank and have stringent requirements for prospective clients. "I know," she says. "May I see the manager, please?"
She is shown into the manager's office and repeats her request to be allowed to open an account, and the manager explains that they very rarely take new customers, and she would need to have at least a million pounds in investable assets, not including real estate. (r/theydidtheresearch) But she says that is not a problem as she has over a million pounds in cash on her, and hands over a briefcase.
While the manager delegates the task of counting the money to an underling, he asks how she comes by so much cash. "Oh, I make bets," she says. "For instance, I am willing to bet £50,000 that by lunchtime on Monday your testicles will have turned square."
The manager, of course, takes the bet at once, and on learning that the briefcase did indeed hold over a million pounds, he gives his approval for her account to be opened. She bids him a good day and makes an appointment to see him again at noon the following Monday.
When she returns she is accompanied by a smartly dressed man, and explains to the manager that this is her lawyer, whom she has brought along as a witness. The bank manager smiles and says that he can understand this, but she is going to find she is out of luck. "Well, maybe," she says,
"But considering the money involved, I'm sure you'll agree that I am entitled to put you to the test."
She takes a large tablespoon from her handbag and says "Be so kind as to drop your trousers and underpants, please," and when he does so she cups his sсrотuм in the tablespoon and sighs sorrowfully. Meanwhile however her lawyer has begun silently ваnging his head on the bank manager's desk.
"Oh dear," says the manager, a little patronisingly, "I fear my learned friend is dismayed at your reckless gambling away of your wealth."
"Oh no," says the old lady, "it's just that last Thursday I bet him a hundred thousand pounds that I'd have your ваlls in a tablespoon before the banks shut on Monday."
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