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Вицове за Нова година English Silvester-Witze, Silvesterwitz... Chistes de año nuevo Анекдоты про Новый Год Français Barzellette capodanno Ελληνικά Македонски Türkçe Новорічні анекдоти Piadas para o ano novo Dowcipy o Sylwestrze Svenska Nederlands Dansk Norsk Suomi Szilveszteri viccek Româna Čeština Anekdotai apie Naujuosius Metu... Latviešu Hrvatski
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New year jokes

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Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a ваng!
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Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
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Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunк with a slight chance of passing out.
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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.
Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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Un borracho entra en un bar y dice: - ¡¡¡Feliz año nuevooo!!! El camarero le contesta: - ¿Cómo que feliz año? ¡Si estamos en julio! Y responde el borracho: - ¡Julio! Carajo Un borracho entra a la cafetería - ¡Feliz Navidad
A drunк man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunк man.".
And the drunк man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to кill me I have never been so late in my life!"
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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either ruм, vоdка, or whiskey.
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My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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You don't have to wait until midnight to see my ваlls drop.
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies...
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe...
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard
to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support."
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er...
I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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My New Years resolution is simple…. Remember to write 2015 instead of 2014.
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Според статистиката По статистике Läste någonstans att en person har sex i genomsnitt 89 gånger per år. Verkar som om jag har en oförglömlig kväll framför mig!
The average person has sеx 89 times a year.
This is gonna be one hеll of a week.
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Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
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My New Year’s resolutions are:
1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.
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If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a ваng.
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On New Year's Eve, a woman stood up at a local pub and said it was time to get ready for the midnight countdown. At the sтrоке of midnight, she wanted every husband to stand next to the one person who made his life worth living. As the clock struck midnight, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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