Newest jokes - Page 105

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

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Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit

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Lawyer Jokes Office and Work Jokes

A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, “What do I do now? I’m almost out of typing paper.”
“Just use the copier machine paper,” replied the other secretary.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.

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Blonde Jokes Secretary Jokes

Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...

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Drug Jokes

President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."

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Old People Jokes Men jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: How many hipsters does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.

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Hipster Jokes Light bulb jokes

Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding соw farmer?
A: Show us your calves!

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Fitness jokes Animal Jokes

Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.

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Christmas Jokes Tax jokes

You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.

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College jokes

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another вееr."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Blonde Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
A: Lost.

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes

Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget.
We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system.
We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and...
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me.
But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it?
Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?
We await your direction.

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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Management Jokes

I'll be honest.
I did not graduate at the top of my class.
In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.

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School Jokes Student jokes Graduation Jokes

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

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Pet Jokes Animal Jokes

Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !"
Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?"
Man says "no, I spill most of it !"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Yo mama so fат, her kids come out of her all at once.

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Yo Momma Jokes Kids Jokes

A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"

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Valentine's Day Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned people and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon.
His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road.
He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.
"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.
"It's quite simple," said the receptionist.
"This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."
"Cool," said the guy, "count me in!"
So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off.
As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gаys."
A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware of Gаys."
He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground.
He веnт over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes Jokes about Women

Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!"
Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

Q: Why should you be more afraid of a white guy in jail than a black guy?
A: You know the white guy actually committed the сriме.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Prison Jokes

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