Newest jokes - Page 108

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No ideer (no eye deer with southern twang - in case you didn't catch that)
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no ideer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs and no ваlls?
Still no fuскin' ideer!

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Sports Jokes

There were these two old guys...
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day.
Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you - and if you die first, you come back and tell me - if there is baseball in heaven."
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

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Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the men tried to concentrate on their Saturday afternoon poker game.
His father tried in every way he could to get Jimmy to occupy himself, but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Jimmy by the hand, and led him out of the room.
The uncle returned in a short time without Jimmy and without comment, and the game resumed. For the balance of the afternoon, there was no trouble from Jimmy. After the game ended and the players were settling their wins and losses, one of the men asked Jimmy's uncle, "What in the world did you do to Jimmy?"
"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I told him how to jеrк off."

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Sports Jokes

On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realized she had forgotten to get any shoes.
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sofia for the day. Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sofia's feet were in agony. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say ''God, that was tight.''
''There,'' whispered the Queen. ''I told you she was a virgin.''
Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. ''Right. Now for the other one.'' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said ''My God. That was even tighter.''
''That's my boy,'' said the Duke. ''Once a sailor, always a sailor.''

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Sports Jokes Sailor Jokes

6.
Both are made out of plastic.5. Both are full of hot air.4. Both are frequently passed from man to man. 3. Both have been known to score.2. Both are often handled by hot, sweaty guys on television.1. Women aren't especially fond of them.

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Sports Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of waterskis?
She's still looking for a lake with a slоре!!

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Sports Jokes Blonde Jokes

A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher and a rabbi fish in a lake. The preacher has to use the bathroom, so he walks across the water, does his business and walks back. Then the rabbi has to go, so he walks across the water, does his business and walks back.
The Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water. He swims back, gets back into the boat, and says, "God, let me walk across the water." He tries again and falls into the water, swims back, tries again and falls again.
The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and asks, "Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?"

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Sports Jokes Priest Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Walk:
If you make it to third base, I'll go ahead and walk you home. High five!

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Sports Jokes

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year. To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride." The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride." The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book."
"Which one?" asks the teacher. "Winnie-the-S**t!"

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Sports Jokes School Jokes

If you have a Virginia Tech football player and a UVA Foootball player in the same car at the same time, who drives?
The state trooper!!"

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Sports Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

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Sports Jokes Political Jokes

What do a hockey player and a magician have in common?
Hat tricks.

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Sports Jokes

One sportsman goes up to a non-athletic man and says, "If you aren't into sports, then you are gаy."
The non-athletic man responds, "Okay, riddle me this, riddle me that, if you're into sports, then you are into slapping each others аssеs?"

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Sports Jokes

Viаgrа Slogans:
10. The quicker picker upper!
9. One a day, like iron!
8. Get a piece of the rock!
7. You've come a long way, baby!
6. It plumps when you take 'em!
5. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
4. Tastes great, more filling!
3. Viаgrа, built ram tough!
2. Here's the beef! And the number one slogan being considered by Viаgrа:
1. Just do her! Some honorable mentions: **We work harder, so you don't have to **Ten inches long...and growing! **Viаgrа, when it absolutely positively has to be there tonight! **Viаgrа, home of the Whopper! **Viаgrа now is a great time to be silver. **This is your реnis. This is your реnis on Viаgrа. Any questions?

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What's the difference between sеx and golf?
In golf, a bad hole won't кill you!

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Sports Jokes

How Golf is like Urinating in a Public Restroom:
10. Keep your back straight, knees веnт, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick backswing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anybody.
4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.
3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.
2. Be quiet while others are about to go.
1. Keep strokes to a minimum.

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Sports Jokes

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.

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Sports Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Unnecessary:
Hey ваве, I hear you're into unnecessary roughness. High five!

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Sports Jokes Dirty jokes

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"
His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."
Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"
Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"
Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"
Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."

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