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One day a rabbit managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. “Wow, this is great!” he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it, he saw a wonderful sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
“Hey!” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good.
“What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.
“Well,” one of them said, “you see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”
This he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”
“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.”
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full.
“Is there anything else you guys do?” he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly. “There’s one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there,” he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. “They’re girls. We shаg them. Go and try it.”
Well, our furry friend spent the rest of the morning sсrеwing his little heart out until, completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys.
“That was fantastic,” he panted.
“So, are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry, I’ve had a great time but I can’t.”
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. “Why? We thought you liked it here.”
“I do,” our friend replied, “but I must get back to the laboratory. I’m dying for a cigarette.”
Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes
This quiz consists of four questions that will tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door.
Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct answer:The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.
4. There is a river that is known to have many crocodiles in it. How do you cross it?
Correct Answer: Simply swim across it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!
That completes the test!
If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you’re a true professional. Wealth awaits you.
If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there’s hope for you.
If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.
If you answered one out of four, try selling your organs. It’s the only way you will ever make any money.
If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as management, politics, law or medicine.
Money jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Political Jokes
Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water. One day, just as they were finally about to give up, they crawled into a clearing and there right in front of them stood a Cannibal's Restaurant. Out front near the entrance was a large menu board. With the little energy they had left, they dragged themselves across the clearing and looked up to see the following menu:
Par boiled Priest $12.00
Roast Lion Hunter $14.00
Steamed Politician $198.50
They struggled in, dragged themselves to a table, and a waiter came to take their order. Before they ordered, one of the explorers asked the waiter "Can you help me understand your menu? The first two items are priced about the same, but the third item, the politician, is priced so much higher. Why is that?"
"Are you kidding?" replied the waiter, "Did you ever try to clean one of those suckers?"
Food Jokes Political Jokes
1. Your potted plants stay alive.
2. You keep more food than вееr in the fridge.
3. 6:00 A. M. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
4. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
5. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
6. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
7. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
8. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
9. You're the one calling the police because those dаrn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
10. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
11. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
12. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p. M.
13. Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
14. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
15. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes