Newest jokes - Page 1463

Does everybody have their WWJD bracelets on? 'Cause I was wearing my bracelet recently, and I was in the movie theater, and this guy's cell phone went off -- don't you just hate that? Then he picked it up, 'Hey, how's it going? I'm in a movie.' And I'm like, 'Hey! Get off the phone!' And he's like, 'Mind your own business.' And I almost went crazy, but then I looked at my bracelet: what would Jesus do? So I lit him on fire and sent him to Неll.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Its not called being gаy its called being fabulous

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Dark Humor Jokes

If the truth be known, I don't hit my children because I really don't think I could hit them a little.

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Dark Humor Jokes

Little Girl: Mom what's this *she pulled down her pants*
Mom: That's your garage, don't let boys put their car into your garage
She nods and hops off
Next door
Little Boy: Dad whats this? *he pulls down his pants*
Dad: That's your car, you need to put that into a girls garage
He nods and hops off
Little girl walks in with her hands covered with blood
Mom: WHAT HAPPENED!?
Little Girl: The little boy from next door tried to put his car into my garage so I pulled its wheels off

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

A five-year-old kid goes up to his mum and asks, “Mummy, how do you spell сliтоris ?
“To which his mum replies, “ask your dad, it was on the tip of his tongue last night

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Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

One day a littil boy took a shower with his dad he told the littil boy not to look dowen but the boy did and asked 'wats that'? his dad replied its a snake. the next day the boy took as shower with his mom and she told him not to look up or dowen but the boy did and asked 'whats that'? she sayd head lights and a bush. One day the littil boy walked in on them having sеx and sayd "mom turn on your head lights theres a snake in your bush!"

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Mum: where should I keep my money everywhere I put it my kids steal it?
Dad: keep it in books

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

A boy is asking his dad some last questions before his dad died. The boy was asking questions his dad would never answer.
Boy: Who did you love most?
Dad: My parents, obviously.
Boy: Why do you hate Mom?
Dad: She assaulted me before you were born..
Boy: What was the biggest mistake of your life?
Dad: Adopting you. *dies*
Boy: ...

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Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

A politician was walking home from the county courthouse the evening of Election Day when he came upon a young boy sitting on the curb, bawling his eyes out.
"Why are you crying?" the politician asked.
"My dad died," the boy replied.
"That's terrible, when did it happen?"
"Five years ago," the boy said.
"Five years ago? And you are still this upset?"
"It's not that," the boy said. "It's just that my dad voted today, but he didn't come to see me."

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Political Jokes Dad Jokes

A young couple was expecting a visit from the pastor of their church. They wanted everything to go smoothly, but their two year old son was just getting the hang of роттy training. He was at the stage where he would announce at the top of his voice, "I gotta рее," when he had to go to the bathroom.
His father, worried that this might be embarrassing when the minister came to call, instructed the child, "Don't shout that you've got to рее. Whisper!"
That evening the pastor makes his visit. He's there a very long time and the two year old is on one foot and the other.
Finally, the minister asks him, "What's the matter, son?"
The child looks at his dad and says,
"I've gotta whisper!"
Pastor says,
"It's all right, child. Whisper in my ear."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Any kid that has any problem now, they just shove pills down their mouth. Like, every kid 17 years old, 'Oh, we got him on Prozac.' What does a 17-year-old need Prozac for to get through life? When I was 17, my dad's version of anti-depressants would be to, like, hold my head underwater 'til I got a little more excited about living.

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes

My brother spent all of the “fun money” our parents had allotted halfway through his first semester at college.
He sent this text to our dad: Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.
Our dad replied with: Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.

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School Jokes Money jokes Dad Jokes

Chuck Norris flicks the light switch in his bedroom to turn off his lights and is already asleep when the lights turn off

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't read the script. The script reads him

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris fought 9000000000000000000000 Hulks and won

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Chuck Norris Jokes

W hy does Hillary want to have sеx with Bill every day at 5 am?
She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sex Jokes

Police have removed a large amount of material from a house belonging to Cliff Richard.
Fingers crossed it’s just child роrn and not new music.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Police Officer Jokes

“Fuскing hеll, I’ve only been in prison a short while and look how much my grass has grown.”
“Stop dicking around, Oscar, put your legs back on.”

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

Posh Gingеr Sporty Scary Baby…
That will be the result when Prince Harry finally has a kid.

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Sports Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Kids Jokes

It’s cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks.
I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesise with him.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

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