Latest Jokes

A bloke working on the buses taking fares pushes one of his passengers off the bus and kills him. At the trial he is found guilty of мurdеr and is sentenced to the electric chair.
As a last meal he asks for a bunch of green bananas, which he duly eats.
They sit him down, plug him in a send a million volts through him. When the smoke clears he is sitting there, right as rain. Checking through the statutes the governor finds he has no choice but to release him.
The chap goes back to his job on the buses and lo and behold allows another passenger to fall to his death. Once again he is found guilty and sentenced to death.
At the prison he, again, asks for a bunch of green bananas, which he duly receives and scoffs down. In the chair again and this time he is zapped with 2 million volts. Smoke clears and вuggеr me there he sits, right as rain.
As before he goes back to his old job. Through a combination of stupidity and sheer malice he, yet again, allows another passenger to fall to their death (under a train at that, it was quite nasty really!) The judge has no choice but to find him guilty and off he goes to the chair.
As you may have guessed he asks for his bunch of green bananas (getting predictable now) Eats them, gets strapped in, 3 million volts and yep, he’s right as rain.
The executioner, who is really рissеd off by now, approaches him and asks what the secret is, is it (as he suspects) the green bananas that save his life. “No” replies the prisoner “I’m just a bad conductor!”
Office and Work Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes
O n Fred’s 86th birthday one of his female neighbors, from down the hall in the old folks home, came into his room and unzipped his pants. She the proceeded to sтriр him of his pants and skivvies. She sat down on the bed with him and grasped his withered shlong and held him for an hour. She did this routine of undrеssing him and holding his diск for an hour, every morning of his birthday. On Fred’s 93 birthday she proceeded to disrobe him when he told her to stop.
“What do you mean you don’t want me to do it any more”, she said baffled by his actions.
“I just don’t want you to hold me anymore”, replied Fred.
“Why, is there someone else”?
“Actually there is,” Fred shamefully admitted.
“Well what does she have that I don’t have”?
“Parkinson’s”, replied Fred.
Τι έχει αυτή; Num asilo de velhos, um ancião se dirigiu a uma colega: Dans une maison de retraite, un petit couple de vieux se forme. Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening,... Georgette en Marcelleke wonen beiden in een bejaardentehuis, en hebben iets met elkaar. Ze zijn beide 96 jaar en aan hun rolstoel gekluisterd. Elke avond hebben ze een afspraakje in de TV zaal.... An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company. After about 3 weeks of getting to know... Bob vieillit et ses enfants ont décidé de le placer dans un centre de vie assistée. Bob était d'abord réticent à y aller. La femme de Bob était décédée plusieurs années plus tôt, mais lorsque ses... En 92-årig man flyttade in på ett ålderdomshem där han mötte en 90-årig kvinna och det var kärlek vid första ögonkastet. Efter att ha tillbringat ett par veckor tillsammans sa mannen: - Vi har ju... Duas velhinhas resolveram fazer uma aposta para ver quem conquistaria um velhinho amigo delas: A Joana ligou para o José e disse: — Vamos assistir ao jogo amanhã. Eu pago a tua entrada, a tua... C'est un couple de petits vieux qui se forme dans une maison de retraite. C'est Robert et Jacqueline. Un jour, Robert dit à Jacqueline : - Écoutes Jacqueline, j'ai un fantasme : c'est que tu me... Georgette et Marcel sont pensionnaires d'une maison de retraite et ils ont une relation. Ils ont tous les deux 95 ans et ils sont cloués sur leur fauteuil roulant. Chaque soir ils ont un... Un uomo e una donna, anziani e vedovi, si incontrano spesso al parco. Parlano, ridono e insomma si stanno simpatici. Un giorno l’uomo le chiede se, cosi’ tanto per fare qualcosa, gli terrebbe un... Un mos la azil ii povesteste unei colege ca raposata sotie ii tinea pu*a in maini la culcare si numai asa putea sa adoarma. Batrana miloasa ii ajuta deci si ea sa poata dormi mosul. Si intr-adevar... Senelių namuose susidraugavo du senukai. Vyras tarė: - Mes per seni, kad užsiimtumėm seksu. Tai gal bent gali kurį laiką palaikyti mano „džiaugsmelį“? Moteris nematė nieko blogo – ir taip jie pora... Всяка вечер в Клуба на пенсионера бай Гошо има среща с баба Пена пред телевизора за любимия сериал. Докато тече сериалът, баба Пена държи бай Гошо за оная му работа. Една вечер обаче бай Гошо не...
Jokes about Women Old People Jokes
A German guy approaches a рrоsтiтuте and says ” I vish to buy sеx vit you ”
“OK” says the girl, “I’ll charge 100 pounds an hour”
“Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little кinкy”
“No problem” she replies cautiously, “I can do a little кinкy”.
So off they go to the girl’s flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. “I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs..” The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees. “Now you vill get on your hans and knees.” She duly does this, balancing on the springs. “You vill please вlоw zis vistle as I make love to you.”
She finds all this very odd, but figures it’s harmless, and the guy is paying. The sеx is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The сliмаx is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.
Finally she gasps “That was totally amazing………. what do you call that? “Ah”, says the German, “Four-sprung duck technique!!!..
Sex Jokes