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I was sitting in my office when a case came in. So I finished two bottles from it. I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the inside.
Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window. I knew she was tall because I was on the second floor.
The phone rang and I knew something was wrong. I didn’t have a phone.
It was a girl and she was in trouble. I knew she was, ’cause she said so.
I raced down the stairs and called a cab. The cab stopped with a jеrк. Then the jеrк got out and I got in.
We took the corner at hundred kilometers per hour, but a cop stopped us and told us to put the corner back.
We kept on the pavement, because there was a sign that said:
“Keep Death Off Our Roads”.
Then we were out of the city. I knew it, because we were not hitting so many pedestrians.
As we came to her house, she greeted me with a burning kiss. Then she took the cigarette out and kissed me again.
She pointed two thirty-eights at me. She also had a gun.
She had the most beautiful blonde hair I have ever seen - hanging from her left nostril.
She had teeth like the ten commandments - all broken.
She also had the most beautiful eyes - so beautiful that the one eye could not stop looking at the other one.
There was a man on the floor. He had stab wounds in his heart, bullet wounds in his head and his wrists were slashed. He was dead.
I said:
“Lady, if this man was alive, he sure would be ill”. So I took her for a drive to calm her nerves.
Suddenly a brick came flying through the window and hit her on the left вrеаsт - breaking three of my fingers.
We had a flat tire, so I pumped and she pumped and I pumped. Then we got out and fixed the flat tire.
Then I took her home and as I was kissing her goodnight, her father opened the door and stepped on my back, almost breaking it.
As I was giving her a final good-night kiss, she closed her legs and broke my nose.
Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the еrотiс. Then, the young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, “If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I’ll show you my thighs,”.
And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, “If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance. That’s the hospital where I had it done!”
Паметна плавуша В тролея жена с пола седи срещу мъж. Автобус. В купе поезда едут трое мужчин и привлекательная девушка. Sull'autobus un uomo sta ammirando una bella ragazza con la minigonna quando decide di avvicinarsi e rivolgerle la parola: Važiuoja mašina senas diedukas ir seksuali blondinė. Diedukas sako : - Pakelk sijoną, duosiu 50 Lt. Blondinė sako: - Duok 500 Lt ir parodysiu, kur man išoperavo apendicitą. Na duoda diedukas, o... Ένας κύριος στο λεωφορείο, κάθεται δίπλα σε μια νέα κοπέλα και δεν έχει πάρει τα μάτια του από τα πόδια της. Κάποια στιγμή της λέει: - Αν σας δώσω ένα δέκαευρώ θα σηκώνατε τη φούστα σας λίγο πάνω...
Money jokes Men jokes
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"
Имало някога един мъж. Уволнили го.Търсил работа тук - търсил там никъде не го приемали. Um gorila morre de velhice em um zoológico logo antes da abertura. É o único gorila no zoológico, já que eles não são muito rentáveis​​. No entanto, o gorila é de longe a atração mais popular, e eles não podem se dar ao luxo de passar um dia sem ele. Assim, o proprietário do jardim zoológico... Een man zonder werk bekijkt de advertenties in de krant en leest dat ze een oppasser zoeken in de zoo. De man gaat zich gaan aanbieden maar krijgt een njet van de directeur: "Spijtig, ik heb... Gorilla kuoli vanhuuteen eläintarhassa juuri ennenkuin eläintarha piti avata. Koska gorilla oli eläintarhan suurin nähtävyys, eikä eläintarhalla mennyt kovin hyvin omistaja kysyi talonmieheltä... Egy férfi jelentkezik az állatkertben az álláshirdetésre. Kiderül, hogy a legfőbb látványosság, a gorilla, nemrég pusztult el, és attól félnek, ha ez kiderül, nem jönnek majd a látogatók. Az... Megdöglik az állatkerti gorilla. A botrány elkerülése miatt az ápolónak kell beöltöznie a hétvégi ünnepség idejére. Megy is a dolog szépen, eszi a banánt, döngeti a mellét, a kötélen himbálódzás... A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far,... Ήταν κάποτε ένας άνεργος ηθοποιός ο οποίος είχε απελπιστεί να ψάχνει για δουλειά. Κάποια μέρα συναντά τυχαία έναν τύπο από τον ζωολογικό κήπο, που ψάχνει για ηθοποιούς. Του εξηγεί ότι οικονομικοί...
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