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Technology Jokes Aviation Jokes
What They Said . . . And What We Did
According to the story, after every Quantas Airlines flight the pilots complete a 'gripe sheet' report, which conveys to the ground crew engineers any mechanical problems on the aircraft during the flight. The engineer reads the form, corrects the problem, and then writes details of action taken on the lower section of the form for the pilot to review before the next flight. It is clear from the examples below that ground crew engineers have a keen sense of humor - these are supposedly real extracts from gripe forms completed by pilots with the solution responses by the engineers. Incidentally, Quantas has the best safety record of all the world's major airlines.
(1 = The problem logged by the pilot.) (2 = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
1) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
2) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
1) Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
2) Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
1) Something loose in cockpit.
2) Something tightened in cockpit.
1) Dead bugs on windshield.
2) Live bugs on back-order.
1) Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
2) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
1) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
2) Evidence removed.
1) DME volume unbelievably loud.
2) DME volume set to more believable level.
1) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
2) That's what they're there for.
1) IFF inoperative.
2) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
1) Suspected сrаск in windshield.
2) Suspect you're right.
1) Number 3 engine missing.
2) Engine found on right wing after brief search.
1) Aircraft handles funny.
2) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
1) Target radar hums.
2) Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
1) Mouse in cockpit.
2) Cat installed.
Aviation Jokes
The husband and his young wife were not on good terms. In fact the wife was convinced that he was carrying on with the pretty housemaid, so she laid a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t inform the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story,”Excuse me my dear…….. My stomach,” and disappeared towards the bathroom.
The wife promptly dashed along the corridor, up the back stairs and into the maid’s bed.
She just had time to switch the lights off when in he came in silently……….
He wasted no time or words but quickly took out his diск, got on top of her and fcuked her like there was no tomorrow. When he finished and while he was still panting, the wife said You didn’t fсuкing expect to find me in this bed did you!!” and switched on the light.
“No madam”, said the gardener.
Cheating Jokes
It’s Bill and Hillary Clinton’s fiftieth anniversary…
As they sat over a candle lit dinner, Hillary made a confession. “Bill,” she says. “You know that rather large box in the basement you told me never to open?”
“Yes” says Bill.
“It had been bothering me for years and finally curiosity won over. I opened it.”
Bill sighed in disappointment. Hillary asked, “I found twenty-three empty вееr bottles and three hundred seventy seven dollars. Can I ask why you were keeping twenty-three empty вееr bottles?”
“Well, Hillary. I’m going to be honest. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I would come home and open a вееr. I would drink it thinking about how I really love you and how sorry I was. The вееr bottles are reminders of the mistakes I made cheating on you.”
Hillary was surprised but she knew his past and accepted it. “Bill, I’m disappointed, but we have been through worse. I love you and I forgive you. Can I ask why there was three hundred seventy seven dollars in the box?”
Bill shrugged. “Every time the box filled up with вееr bottles, I took them back for the deposit.”
Cheating Jokes