Newest jokes - Page 197

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
"Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

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Corporate Воотy Call... Middle Manager:
Come meet my middle manager.

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

Q: What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
A: "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

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Office and Work Jokes

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urinе tests."
The woman says, "Well, can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... MBA:
Yeah, I have an MBA - and that stands for Master of Воотy Action.

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Office and Work Jokes

A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.
"I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It's $500,000."
"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"
"Yes, but it's from a laywer. It's never been used."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

The Mathematics of Love.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

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Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married.
"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."
Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you."
The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?"
To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here - how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"

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Q: What's the definition of innocence?
A: A nun working in a соndом factory, thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.

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Office and Work Jokes

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.
The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carriedthis child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birthprocess, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.".
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a cell phone?"
Blonde: "They're too expensive, so I did the next best thing: I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist: "And do you receive any letters?"
Blonde: "No, but I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?
His lips start moving.

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Two lawyers are walking down the street, when a beautiful woman walks by. "Boy, I'd like to sсrеw her," says one lawyer.
"I agree," says the other. "But out of what?"

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Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the logger that went to Alaska?
A: He came back a husky f**ker.

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What's the difference between F.Lee Bailey and a generalized joke about Lawyers?
One is boorish rude and insensitive, the other is just a joke!!

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Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He had no body to go with.

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How many IBM employees does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
10,000: one to hold up the light bulb, and 9,999 to turn the building around.

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Office and Work Jokes Nationality Jokes Blonde Jokes Light bulb jokes

Q: How many lawyers does it take to sсrеw a light bulb?
A: One but it has to have a good case.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: How many lawyers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: Four: one to climb the ladder, one to hold the ladder, one to shake the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.

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Q: How many IT guys does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: None, that's a Facilities problem.

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