Newest jokes - Page 198

Corporate Воотy Call... PowerPoint:
I know how to find your PowerPoint.

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Office and Work Jokes

Three women were at the doctor's office for the second trimester check up.
The first woman, a brunette, said that she was sure that she would have a girl because when she made love to her husband, she was on top! The second affirmed with certainty that she would have a boy, because she was on bottom. The blonde grabbed her head between her hands.
"Oh, сrар! Puppies."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
She replied, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50."
And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche; it's a Ferrari."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator...
The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them. When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened. St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.

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Office and Work Jokes Political Jokes Lawyer Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?
A: Won't happen - there are some things even a pig won't do.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his реnis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.
A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?"
"Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my реnis into the pickle slicer?"
His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill - I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, um, she got fired, too."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man goes to his doctor's office to get his реnis enlarged.
The doctor comes in with a tray of penises, and the man says, ''You got any вiggеr ones?'' The doctor comes in with another tray, but the man still wants something вiggеr. The doctor comes in with yet another tray, and the man finally says, "I'll take one of those. But do you have any in white?"

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Office and Work Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Overtime:
I'd work overtime to reach synergy with you.

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Office and Work Jokes

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast."
The doctor replies, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your вuтт."
Two months later, she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was."
But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down. He asks, "Where did you get this twitch?"
The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch; I'm chewing bubble gum."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Offsite:
There's an offsite you need to attend at my place.

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Corner Office:
Let's discuss my raise in your corner office.

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Office and Work Jokes

Lawyers Off Bridge...
What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river? Pollution. What do you call all the lawyers thrown off a bridge? Solution.

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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

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Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Blonde Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Lawyer Jokes Black People Jokes

"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client.
"What's the bad news?"
The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the мurdеr scene."
"Dаммiт!" cries the client. "What's the good news?"
"Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Needle:
I need you to move my needle.

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Office and Work Jokes

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They had been friends in school but had lost touch over time. They used sign language to catch up on old times. Through the course of conversation one of the deaf-mutes learned the other had learned to speak and was no longer mute.
This amazed the fellow that was still mute and he asked about the procedure. His friend gave him the doctor's card and went on his way. The deaf mute wasted no time and went straight to the doctor's office. The doctor informed the procedure took 26 days and cost one million dollars. The man handed the doc his insurance card and begged the doctor to start the treatment that day.
The doctor had the man sтriр and lay over the examination table. The doctor went to his closet and took out a bucket of mayonnaise and a broom handle with a door кnов on the end. The doc got a running start and shoved the mayonaise covered door кnов up the deaf-mute's аss. The mute screamed,"AY!AY!AY!" The doctor said,"very good we will work on the B's tomorrow."

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Insurance Comedy

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the-"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road-''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.
''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes Farmer Jokes

A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike.
"How'd you get that, son?"
"By hiking."
"Hiking?"
"Yeah, every night, Mom's boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike."

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

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