Newest jokes - Page 215

Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?
A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.

22 0

Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

63 0

Gross Jokes

Q: What did the маxi pad say to the fаrт?
A: You are the wind beneath my wings.

28 0

Gross Jokes Fart Jokes

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sport scars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?"
The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night."
The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?"
The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!'' and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."

16 0

Gross Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse. One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet."
They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?"
The other replies, "I'm having a ball!"
Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dаммiт, slow down, you're eating too fast!"

30 0

Gross Jokes Food Jokes

Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor.
After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?"
Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch роrnо movies and eat Cheetos."

36 0

Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes Superhero Jokes

Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

0 0

Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Disability Jokes Fart Jokes

Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
A: Tear gas.

39 0

Gross Jokes Food Jokes

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home.
While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice - except they won't let you fаrт."

33 0

Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Nurse jokes Fart Jokes

Three old men were sitting on a porch.
"I wish I could take a healthy рiss," said one.
"I wish I could take a healthy сrар," said another.
The third old man said, "I can take a сrар at 6 a.m. and a рiss at 11 a.m. I just wish I could get up before noon."

24 0

Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Тwinкiе.

11 0

Gross Jokes

Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?
A: Walnuts.
Q: What do you call nuts on your chest?
A: Chestnuts.
Q: What do you call nuts on your сhin?
A: A реnis in your mouth.

0 0

Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn't believe him.
So he sent her a picture of his top half. A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half. Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn't think much of it. A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn't like his haircut, because it made his nose look too big.

39 0

Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

I have a green nose, three red mouths, and four purple ears. What am I?
Ugly!

24 0

Gross Jokes Ugly Jokes

Q: How can you tell if a роrnо was made in the 70s?
A: Even the guys' penises have sideburns.

22 0

Gross Jokes

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other оrgаn I have for you is called a реnis. It will allow you to reproduce your life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this оrgаn to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
Then, God came to Eve to pass on some news too. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Eve looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Adam. The other оrgаn I have for you is called a vаginа. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Adam will be very happy that you now have this оrgаn to give him children."
Eve, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked upon Eve and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time. While you're bleeding through one of them every 28 days, the other will remain useless."

24 0

Gross Jokes News and Politics Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins.
Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sеx. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. ''OK, honey,'' he says, ''this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom.'' The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees.
So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed. The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous еrестiоn. The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other. But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife right into the dresser. He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain.
The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him. His throbbing diск is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, ''Doc, doc, how bad is it?''
''That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob.''

35 0

Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Couple jokes

A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying nакеd with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?"
The nакеd man replies, "I'm finding out the time - it is 12:15."
The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15."
The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying nакеd with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?"
The nакеd man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is - it is 3:15."
The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time. The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying nакеd on the ground, маsтurватing.
The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."

34 0

Gross Jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes American Jokes

Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache?
'Cuz he'd been lookin' for love in all the wrong places.

18 0

Gross Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"
It hasn't come out yet.

0 0

Gross Jokes Dad Jokes

Latest Jokes