Newest jokes - Page 2405

A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, "Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lеsвiаn." The blonde goes over to her anyway and says,
"So which part of Lesbia are you from?"

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My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
"Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
We are born nакеd, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be sтuрid enough to try and pass them.
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replies:
"It's very simple. You're two tents."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A man was out walking a dog, and a woman stopped to admirethe animal.
"What's your dog's name?" she asked.
"Неrреs," replied the dog's owner.
"How.... Odd," said the woman. "Why Неrреs?"
"Because he won't heel."

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One-Liner Jokes

“A dentist in a court trial was оrаlly examined and re-examined by the defence lawyer ruthlessly, to extract the truth.”

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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes Dentist Jokes

(do this on your calculator.) one day there was a Blonde who thought her воовs were 2 2 big so she went to 37th street to building number 8 and talked to Dr. double 00. She left building number eight to find she was boobless. ( turn calculator upside down to see boobless)

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Boob Jokes

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a соndом? So she can have a doggie bag for later.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said,
"It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said,
"I can see that, but why?" Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to вlоw up one of my tires."

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf ваlls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf ваlls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf ваlls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde was late for work so she hopped in her car, popped it in reverse and quickly rolled out of the driveway.
She wasn't looking and she hit another car. And the man in the car jumped out all furious yelling at the blonde.
"OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE HOW SТUРID YOU ARE! I'M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU NEVER DRIVE AGAIN!" Said that Man. "NOW YOU STAND ON THIS MAN-HOLE AND DONT MOVE UNTIL I TELL YOU!" He exclaimed.
SO she did and he went over to her car and started beating the сrар out of it.
He was kicking dents in it and just going off and the girl started to laugh.
He looked over and she stopped and then he went to his car and grabbed a bat. He started bashing all the windows in and putting even вiggеr dents in the car.
The girl started laughing even harder this time. He looked over again and she stopped.
By now the man was рissеd so he got some gas and put it all over the car and lit it up. The whole car bursted into flames and blew up.
By now the girl was on the ground busting up laughing. So the man goes over and says:
"What the hеll is so funny?"
The girl replies with:
"I stepped off the man-hole 3 times and you didn't even see me!"

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Blonde Jokes

I do not understand why people write letters to magazines. It accomplishes nothing; its pointless. [If] you want to see your name in print that bad, write on a piece of paper and look at it: Ah, there it is. Just as I always dreamed.

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One-Liner Jokes

So they ask me, Would you like to answer your secret security password question? I think, Oh yeah, surely I can answer a question posed by slightly younger me.

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One-Liner Jokes

What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket?
Two points, just like everyone else!

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One-Liner Jokes

Speaking to her two daughters, a mother said,
"When we get home you need to clean your bedrooms. Your grandmother is coming to visit us tonight and I want the whole house to look tidy."
The younger daughter answered, "We will, Mommy. But isn't that kind of like, lying?"

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One-Liner Jokes Grandparent Jokes

Saw a great product advertised -- it was a hearing aid made to look like a Bluetooth headset. Its for people who are embarrassed about wearing a hearing aid but not about wearing a Bluetooth headset.

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One-Liner Jokes

“I knew a chemist who use to periodically build tables.”

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One-Liner Jokes

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent.

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One-Liner Jokes

I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary!
I said, “Mark, my words!”

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One-Liner Jokes

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