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Latest Jokes

Boy: I wonder why I always get a воnеr when I look into a mirror?
Girl: Because your diск thinks you're a рussy too!

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Insult Jokes

What's the difference between jam and jelly?
I can't jelly my diск up your аss.

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Dirty jokes

Ex: you're a sтuрid slаg.
Me: I've been called worse.
Ex: what's that?
Me: your boyfriend.

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Insult Jokes

Me: I bet you can't say the alphabet faster than me.
Friend: challenge accepted A B C D E F G H I....
Me: the alphabet
Friend: you son of a b*tch...

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Friendship Jokes

Why name hurricanes lame names, like Sandy? Name that shiт Hurricane Death Megatron 300 and I guarantee niggаs be evacuating like they need to.

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One-Liner Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to маsтurвате.

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One-Liner Jokes

Me: Have you ever seen that clown at walmart that hides from gаy people?
Friend: No?
Me: HAHAHA
Friend: Shit

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Insult Jokes Friendship Jokes

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.
My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

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Food Jokes Phone jokes

When the Muslim vacationer landed in New York during a heat wave, he was immediately arrested by Homeland Security. “But, but,” the unsuspecting tourist protested, “all I said was ‘gee, it's hot!‘”

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One-Liner Jokes

Sure, I'm overweight and flatulent – but is that so flabber gas sting?

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One-Liner Jokes

As I was studying grammar, I realized that music star Dolly was no longer attractive. It must have been the Past Parton Supple.

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One-Liner Jokes

Grandma soiled herself for the umpteenth time. She's up to her usual shiт nan agains.

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One-Liner Jokes

I asked my boss, “Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?”
He said, “It's May.”
“Sorry.”, I replied, “May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?”

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Christmas Jokes

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])

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Christmas Jokes

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence
*edit: I kinda thought it was funny, and* рооf *it has 3000 upvotes. Thanks for the motivation*

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Blonde Jokes

My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats
"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.
Edit: Wow! Who knew that by posting an original joke I'd get this many upvotes! That's nuts!

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Food Jokes

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?
Seizure salad.
I peed

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Food Jokes

They say to never go shopping for food when you're hungry
But it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.

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Food Jokes

I was forced to swallow purple food color.
I feel violated.

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Food Jokes

My friend gets offended when people tell fат jokes.
I told her to lighten up.

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Fat Jokes