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At school, when little Johny sees little Suzy he asks her if she'll climb the flag pole. When she tells him "No", he offers her $1 to climb it. She says "Yes". That night she tells her mother how she made $1 today by climbing the flag pole for little Johny. Her mother tells her not to do it again because all little Johny wants to do is see her underwear. Next day same thing happens. But when little Johny asks her to climb it for $1 and she says "No", he offers her $2 and she says "Yes". Again, she tells her mother this time how she made $2 climbing the flag pole. Her mother yells at her and tells her not to do it again because all little Johny wants to do is see her underwear. Next day same thing happens. But when little Johny offers her $1 to climb it and she says "No", he offers her $2 again but she still says "No". This time he offers her $5 and she says "Yes". Again, she tells her mother this time how she made $5 climbing the flag pole.
"That's it!" Her mother yells at her and tells her and now she's in big trouble. She says,
"Wait, mommy this time I tricked him". Her mother asks her how and she tells her this time she didn't wear any underwear!
Long Jokes School Jokes
The classroom was silent. Mrs Smith was handing out to students their last homework sheet. As she did it, she wrote the word plenipotentiary on the whiteboard. Then she turned around and said,
" Attention boys and girls. This word is almost hardest English word in the world. So, your job is to put this word into a sentence. I'll give you an example for flower. "In the middle of the circle was a large teardrop shaped flower garden". You see? Nice and easy. Now, whoever made a sentence for the word plenipotentiary, there will be no homework for a month for him or her. So, start now. PLENIPOTENTIARY." Nobody seemed to do it but a boy called Darrell ( Stupidest kid in the classroom) far in the back raised his hand. Everybody stared at him and opened their mouth. Even Mrs Smith. " Oh Darrell, don't tell me you got it. I mean it is impossible for you to get the right answer for easy questions in the first place." Mrs Smith embarrassed him. Nearly everyone laughed. " No Miss, I actually got it. So here it goes, " In the classroom, the teacher shouted out the word plenipotentiary."
" Darrell replied. Later, he went home knowing that he don't have to do homework for a month.
Long Jokes School Jokes
A man was having trouble paying his water bill. He tried and tried to make ends meet, but nothing seemed to work. He went over to his neighbor's house. He says to him, "Hey, man. I'm barely making it on my water bill every month. It's getting to be a real hassle. Can you help a neighbor out? I'll do whatever I can to pay you back. I'll mow your grass, walk your dog, babysit your kids. You name it, I'll do it!" The neighbor ponders for a moment and says,
"You know what? You got yourself a deal! You can start with the grass this Saturday and you'll do the rest later on." The man, who is now full of excitement, exclaims, "Sounds good!"
Several days go by and the man does everything that his neighbor asked of him. It's about 3 in the afternoon on a Thursday and he goes to check the mailbox and he sees a letter from his neighbor. He heads into the house and sits down at his dining room table. He begins to open the letter and starts reading it. It says:
"Hey, neighbor! I wanted to thank you for everything you did! Also, I am still sorry to hear that you are having problems with your water bill. Hope things get better for you! Get well soon! With deepest sympathy, Your Neighbor."
Long Jokes
John was feeling guilty, so he went to church for a confession.
John: Forgive me Father, I have sinned. I stole some wood from a construction site.
The priest: Well what did you do with the lumber my son?
John: Well my sons wheelchair ramp was broken so I fixed it.
The priest: At least you did good with it.
John: Wait father, I had some wood left.
The priest: What did you do with it?
John: My dog was cold so I built him a house.
The priest: I guess you still did good with it.
John: Wait father, I had some wood left.
The priest: What did you do with it?
John: My car was cold, so I built it a two-car garage to keep it warm.
The priest: That is a little out of hand...
John: But father, I still had a little wood left. My wife had always wanted a вiggеr house, so I built a second floor for our house.
The priest: Whoa! That's way too much! You are going to have to make a Novena for penance. Do you know how to make a Novena?
John: No, but if you have the plans I have plenty of wood.
Long Jokes Dog jokes Priest Jokes
A jockey is about to enter an race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says,
"All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens - the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies,
"Nothing is wrong with me - it's this вlооdy horse. What is he - deaf or something?"
The trainer replies,
"Deaf? Deaf?! He's not deaf. He's blind!"
Long Jokes