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Latest Jokes

This dude goes to a Halloween costume party wearing only blue jeans; no shirt or shoes.
The host asks him, “What are you supposed to be?”
The guy says, “I’m a premature еjасulатiоn.”
“How in God’s name are you dressed as that?!”
“Because I just came in my pants.”

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God Jokes Halloween Jokes

Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break.

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Office and Work Jokes Halloween Jokes Vampire jokes

A guy dies and is sent to Неll.
Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in shiт up to their necks.
The guy says "no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing with shiт up to their noses.
Guy says no again.
Finally, Sатаn opens the door to the third room.
People are standing with shiт up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries.
The guy says,
"I pick this room."
Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Sатаn yells, "O. K., coffee break's over.
Everyone back on your heads!"

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Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes

A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

Раddy:
“Would you like to buy my dog?”
Mick :
“What kind is it?”
Paddy:
“It’s a Dalmatian.”
Mick :
“Is it clean?”
Paddy:
“Spotless.”

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Irish jokes

Into a Belfast pub comes Раddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp.
What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.
Jamie O’Connor and me had a fight,” says Раddy.
That little sоd, O’Connor,” says Sean, “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”
“That he did,” says Раddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”
“Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself. Didn’t you have something in your hand?”
“That I did,” said Раddy. “Mrs. O’Connor’s вrеаsт, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.”

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Irish jokes

Interviewer:
"How well do you work with Powerpoint?"
Applicant:
"I Excel at it."
Interviewer:
"Was that a computer joke?"
Applicant:
"Word."

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Office and Work Jokes Business jokes

Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.
The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Business jokes

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.
"Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"?
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!!
I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.
I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me.
I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn’t hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.

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Military Jokes

A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, “your adopted” the sister yells back, “At least they wanted me!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Military Jokes

Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
Who cares?

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

I was about to smoke wееd with a couple cute Mexican girls...
I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.

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Mexican jokes

What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics?
So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

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Mexican jokes American Presidents Humor

Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

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Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? Fertilized

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

“My cousin used to work for a map company. The trouble with his job was that there was no latitude for error.”

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One-Liner Jokes

My girlfriend is like the coronavirus
I don't have the coronavirus

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Coronavirus Jokes

Can't believe trump tested positive for covid-19
When all he had to do was to not get tested.

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Coronavirus Jokes American Presidents Humor