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BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORECustomer: Hi. How much is your paint?Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How many gallons would you like?Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
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BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINECustomer: Hi, how much is your paint?Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.Customer: Depends on what?Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.Customer: How about giving me an average price?Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.Customer: What's the difference in the paint?Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.Customer: What? When would I have to paint in order to get the $9 version?Clerk: That would be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.Customer: You've got to be kidding!Clerk: Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.Customer: What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You have shelves full of that stuff; I can see it right there.Clerk: Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went to $12.Customer: You mean the price went up while we were talking!Clerk: Yes, sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again, I would suggest that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want?Customer: I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. Maybe I should buy six gallons just to make sure I have enough.Clerk: Oh, no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.Customer: What?Clerk: That's right. We can sell you enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs.Customer: But what does it matter to you whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!Clerk: Sir, there's no point in getting upset; that's just the way it is. We make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the paint, and when you don't, it just causes us all sorts of problems.Customer: This is crazy! I suppose something terrible will happen if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!Clerk: Yes, sir, it will.Customer: Well, that does it! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint.Clerk: That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules. Thanks for painting with our airline.
Friday jokes
Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School. Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in a while, he went on one of the other Sundays.

On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed what a fine looking woman she was.

While they were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in Westby next Friday?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in Westby.

When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"

"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"

"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Well, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his Ford and was driving Lena home when they passed the Motel. He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.

"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in with Lena.

The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her hair all spread out on her pillow. "Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole.

He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

"Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!"
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Плавуша во казино Καζίνο. Влиза красива блондинка в казино, слага 20000 евро на едно число и казва на мъжете около масата: Казино... Ранно утро. Засукана мацка приближава към рулетката: Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of THE CASINO. Eine Blondine geht ins Spielkasino. Dort angekommen verkündet sie, dass sie ihr ganzes Geld auf eine Zahl setzen wird. Zu den zwei verantwortlichen Angestellten sagt sie, während die Kugel ins Spiel kommt: "Ich glaube nicht, dass es euch interessiert, aber ich habe mehr Glück, wenn ich... Згодна надарена плавуша влегува во казино, вади 10.000 евра и им вели на мажите околу масата: - Се надевам дека нема да ви смета ако се соблечам гола, така имам повеќе среќа. Мажите се согласиле, таа се соблекла, ги фрлила коцките и вели: - Ајде коцкички, ајде, ми требаат нови алишта. Коцките... Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.... Iki gazino krupyesi canlari sikkin, rulet masasi basinda musteri bekliyorlardi. Bu sirada cazibeli bir sarisin elinde USD 20.000 lik fisle masaya dogru yaklasti ve - "Pardon oynayabilir miyiz?"... Muito bonita e gostosa, a loira entra pela porta do cassino. Vai ao caixa, troca cinco mil dólares por fichas e segue para mesa da roleta. Para espanto de todos que estavam jogando, ela avisa que... Een knappe blonde vrouw, met alles erop en eraan, wandelt een casino binnen en loopt recht naar de tafel waar gedobbeld wordt. Ze legt € 10.000 op tafel en zet alles meteen in op de 8. De twee... Une séduisante blonde arrive dans un casino à Las Vegas. Un petit peu éméchée, elle mise 20 000 dollars sur une face du dé. Elle ajoute en suivant : « J’espère que cela ne vous dérange pas, mais je... Eine atemberaubende Blondine betritt das Casino. Sie kauft sich Jetons und geht zum Roulette-Tisch. Dort angekommen fragt sie die Croupiers: „Darf ich mich ausziehen? Wenn ich nackt spiele, gewinne... Dwaj znudzeni krupierzy siedzieli przy stole z ruletką gdy do kasyna weszła bardzo atrakcyjna blondynka. Podeszła do stołu i zadeklarowała zakład na 20 tys. dolarów na konkretną liczbę. Zaraz... Twee verveelde casino dealers zitten te wachten aan de dobbel tafel. Op dat moment komt er een prachtige blonde vrouw aan lopen en zet twintig duizend euro in op een enkele rol. Ze zegt: "Ik hoop... Twee croupiers in het casino kijken verveeld voor zich uit. Plotseling komt er een hele mooie vrouw aan, die haar geluk wil beproeven met de dobbelstenen. Ze wil 20.000 euro inzetten, met een... GAZİNODA iki görevli sıkıntıdan patlamış bir şekilde rulet masasında Dikiliyorlarmış… Derken içeri fıstık gibi bir sarışın girmiş, masaya 10 bin dolar koymuş Veee; ? "Baylar, umarım sizin için... Det var på ett kasino, mitt i natten. Kvar vid ett spelbord satt två män och en kvinna. En välsvarvad snygg blondin. - Jag känner på mig att jag har tur ikväll, sa kvinnan, jag satsar 500 000... Se duce o blonda la cazino si zice: - Vreau sa pariez pe 2 numere, dar ca sa castig trebuie sa ma dezbrac. Toti sunt de acord, se dezbraca si arunca zarurile. - Am castigat, am castigat,incepe sa... Een knap blondje loopt een casino binnen in Vegas. Ze gaat naar een van de roulettetafels en zegt tegen de twee mannen die er staan: "Ik zou graag alles of niets spelen. 20.000 $ voor één worp." De...
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I lost an electron Das verlorene Elektron A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. Iba un átomo caminado por la calle con cara de preocupación. Un átomo conocido lo ve y le pregunta: Qué tal amigo, ¿Por qué tan estresado? Es que perdí un electrón, respondió. ¿Estás seguro? Sí, estoy completamente positivo. Due atomi si incontrano per strada. Il primo: "Come va? Tutto bene?". L'altro, mesto: "Uh.. no.. ho subito una perdita... un mio elettrone...". "Ma ne sei certo?". "Eh, si'... sono risultato positivo..." Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..." Molecule 1: I just lost an electron. Molecule 2: Are you sure? Molecule 1: I’m positive. Dos moléculas están caminando en la calle y chocan. Una le dice a la otra: “¿Estas bien” “¡No, perdí un electrón!” “¿Estas seguro?” “Positivo” Two molecules are walking down the street and one starts looking around. The other asks, "What's wrong?" "I have lost my electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!" Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, "Hey, grab that electron, it's mine!" "How do you know?" asks the second. "'Cause I'm positive!" the first replies.
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