Newest jokes - Page 745

I’m at the library, and for some reason, when I plug my flash drive into the computer, it doesn’t show up. I keep trying, but nothing happens.

As an IT major, I know I can figure this out. So I spend 15 minutes changing settings and inserting and removing the flash drive.

Then a girl sitting next to me taps my shoulder and says, “You’re plugging into my computer, not yours.”

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Q: How do you eat a frog?
A: You put one leg behind each ear.

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Gross Jokes

A gypsy man buys land next to the house of a doctor.
He hires an engineer and then gets him build an identical house.
When he finished the house, the gypsy man comes to the balcony and shouts the doctor.
"Doctor – Doctor!"
"What is you gypsy eh?"
The doctor says. "Well, maybe you don’t like me but we are the same because we have the same house!"
"No way, the doctor says, because we do not have the same furniture..." the gypsy man angry as he is, oders the same furniture and he comes to the balcony again.
"Doctor – Doctor! We have the same house, the same furniture, we are the same ourselves!"
"What are you saying you sтuрid gypsy do we have the same car?" the doctor says. and shows at his luxurious MERCEDES in the garage.
Angrier the gypsy man gets loans and buy an identical MERCEDES and goes back to the balcony.
"Doctor – Doctor!"
"What do you want again eh?" doctor says
"I am “better” than you!"
"Why is that eh?" doctor says.
"We own the same house, furniture and same car, right?" The gypsy says.
"I agree, but do these make you better than me?" the doctor says.
"Because I have a neighbor doctor, and you have a neighbor Gypsy!Ha!"

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Car and driving jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Banker Jokes

Why are niggеrs like sреrм?
Only 1 in a Million actually works

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Black People Jokes Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

“A drummer who became a policeman was pounding a beat.”

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Police Officer Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Norris and Fallon died in a hunting accident. Norris goes to heaven and Fallon goes to hеll. One day Norris looks down at Fallon in hеll. Fallon has a вееr in his hand and a blonde on his lap. Norris gets рissеd off so he goes to God and says, "What is this shiт? I think I want to go to hеll! Just look at my friend down there." God says, "Look closer, the вееr has a hole in the bottom and the blonde doesn't."

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Religion jokes Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper.
"Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed."
Two days later her doorbell rings.
"Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away."
"What makes you think you are great in bed?" the woman retorts.
Tim replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

Q: Do you know the most favourite play of gаys?
A: Romeo and Julius.

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Gay and Lesbian Jokes

What language does a flight attendant speak?
Plane English.

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

The best part of being a flight attendant Has to be when you walk the aisle saying "trash" to everyone's face.

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

I got cursed out by a flight attendant for asking to be moved away from a screaming baby
Apparently they don’t like that if it’s your baby.

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

What do you call a pregnant flight attendant?
Pilot Error.

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

The flight attendant asked me during the flight, could I offer you some free headphones?
So I replied, “Sure, but how did you know my name is Phones?”

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

A flight attendant asks a man:
- Sir, do you want something to drink?
- What are my options?
- Yes and No

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee
Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me
"That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"

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Flight attendant jokes Aviation Jokes Coffee Jokes

Aled the farmer wanted to buy his neighbour's соw, but was shocked to learn it was £50.
“Here I am, your friend and neighbour, and you ask a price like that?” he said.
“Seeing you are my neighbour I'll give you a 20% discount,” said the neighbour.

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Welsh jokes

After his election win, Dai insisted on everyone calling him Councillor Jones.
Coming back late from the pub after celebrating, he made a right noise trying to get into his house.
“Is that you Dai?” shouted his wife down the stairs.
“Certainly not,” he replied drunkenly. “It's Councillor Jones.”
“Well, come up quick then, we've only got a few minutes before Dai comes back from the pub.”

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Welsh jokes

A Welshman is walking on the beach when he finds a brass oil lamp and a genie pops out and offers him three wishes.
The Welshman says: “I’ve no doubt what my first wish is, genie. Give me a bottle of Brain’s SA that never runs out!”
The genie hands him a bottle and the Welshman takes a long swig but it’s still full. He pours some into his hands and laps it up - and the bottle is still full. No matter how much he pours, the bottle never runs out.
“Master, you still have two more wishes,” says the genie.
“I know what I want,” says the Welshman. “Give me two more just like this.”

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Welsh jokes

I live in London and people often say to me: “You miss Wales?”
I say: “No, I look nothing like her. She’s got long blonde hair and wears a sash.”

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Welsh jokes Blonde Jokes

Three friends married women from different parts of the world. The first married a Greek girl and told her that she was to do the dishes and cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house.
The second man married a Thai girl and gave her the same orders, to do all the cleaning and cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results but by the third his house was clean and dinner was on the table.
The third man married a Welsh girl. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed and dinner ready for 6pm.
For the first two days he didn’t see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

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Welsh jokes

Latest Jokes